February 8, 2012

A little lost today

I like to leave personal information off of my blog when it involves others, but I'm just going to throw this out there today and not name names.

It's a natural thing for some relationships to fall to the wayside when someone moves away. Once you leave, I've learned, it's never really "home" again (home is such a vague term these days) and only the people whom you were closest to will continue to be a significant part of your life. It takes work and effort to keep in touch, only a select few will do so.
And, most of the time, that's okay. It's a natural part of life and usually there are no hard feelings involved, it just happens. You realize some people are more of acquaintances than real friends and life moves on.

But what happens when the people who aren't making an effort are an irreplaceable part of your life? People you want and need in your life? People who are so important to you, but slowly you start admitting to yourself that things have clearly been one-sided. You rarely, if ever get phone calls from them. If you get a text or email, it's a chain email.. you know.. sent to 15 others as well. Nothing personal. No "hey.. just checking in. How are you handling life? How's Andrew? Oh, do you want to hear about our big news for the week? Let me fill you in on things going on with me."
And when you do call them, because you will always try, no matter what, it sounds to you like they could take or leave your phone call. There's always something more important going on.

It's exhausting and heart-breaking, these (what feels like) one-sided relationships. It makes you feel kind of worthless. Unimportant.

I'm going to turn off commenting on this post. I'm not really looking for answers.. I don't think there are any. I know most of you will say that, eventually, you just stop trying. That's not an option for me.
I just had to get this out there. I've been burdened with it for a while now and it's really starting to take it's toll on me. I guess I just had to see if typing it out would help me gather my thoughts.

And maybe someone out there reading it will realize how I'm feeling. Because I'm indirect and non-confrontational like that. Big fault of mine, I know. Really I'm afraid of hurting feelings and am more worried about that than how I've been feeling.

Psychiatrist needed, ya think?