Distraction

Here's what I really want to talk about -

I'm moving in 2 weeks. Is this really my life? Is this for real? Do I really have to say goodbye to my husband for an undisclosed amount of time? Is he really going to tuck his son into bed for the last time in a while and I'm really going to have to watch a grown man cry? This can't be real.

I'm having a hard time keeping it together. Don't get me wrong, when he's home, he's home and we're enjoying every minute together as a family. And that part is wonderful. But, please, pay me no mind if you see me out alone and have random tears in my eyes. Or better yet, come up to me and assure me this will be over before we know it. Sitting by myself at the hospital lab, for instance. It's just that I can't get the image of my husband hugging and kissing my son for the last time out of my head. That's enough to drive anyone crazy, right?

 Jaci Greggs Photography

I could keep this blog post all on one neat, tidy topic and end it here, but I don't want to leave it in a place of funk. So let's talk about something else. Something happy. Let's talk about Andrew and what he's been up to. *Don't look surprised, you know it's my favorite subject*

So this is what I'll talk about instead - 

First of all, I'm able to work on this post in my favorite element (coffee nearby, jammies still on, the early morning sun peaking in through the blinds, and it's dead SILENT) because it's 7:15am and he's STILL SLEEPING. Do you hear the choir of angels singing?? This is unheard of. So, thank you baby!

Moving on...

He's talking up a storm. That's such a given at this point, even. When he first started, I was keeping up with a list to see how many words he had. I was able to do that for about 2 weeks before it became useless and I couldn't keep up. I ADORE the fact that he talks to us like a regular little human.
Full, complete sentences with his own little mixups added in:

• He refers to himself as "you". Funny story to go with that. Our friend Fritz was over playing in the backyard with him last week (God love him). They both came in and Fritz was confused thinking that Andrew wanted him to have some water. Probably because Andrew looked at him and said, "get you some water please". No, he really meant himself. Get Andrew some water. 
• His favorite show right now is Super Why. Sidenote: this is such a great show! He calls it Super Why-er and I think it's adorable. 
• As is the way he says noodles. "noo-noos". I've yet to correct him and, in fact, that's what we now call noodles in our house. 

Then he comes out with these big sentences/words that are said perfectly. It sounds so funny/adorable coming out of his little mouth.
We were at the doctor the other day when the doc asked him what he did this morning. He looked at him and said, "I went to the playground yesterday".
Right now he's drawing with my pencil. He just said, "I draw a submarine". Oh.. okay hun.. draw on!

Some of his key phrases lately have been:
"Oooh what is that?" (100 times a day.. I know he knows what that tree is!)
He'll mumble something that you can't understand, then say, "don't say that", while scrunching up his face and laughing.
"Uh-ohhh". Anytime something even remotely is a little off or goes wrong. 
"Loves you Mama/Daddy". Melt.
A big hearty, "OKAYYY", when we ask him if he wants to do something that sounds appealing to him.
Whenever he hears music of any kind (from a show, radio, commercial.. etc.)  he gives us this astonished look at says, "come out a feekers (speakers)".

He gets real excited when he's telling us "long stories" and starts to stutter a little. I can tell his brain is just going 100 miles an hour and he can't keep up! And it's less of stuttering over the beginning of words and more of putting, "uh uh uh's" in between words.

His imagination is becoming evident. I've always watched him play and wonder what in the world he was thinking. You know, as he's driving his cars around, flying his planes in the air, or building towers upon towers of blocks. Now, he's talking to himself as he's playing and I can catch a glimpse into that brain of his. Usually he's just going somewhere in his cars or planes. He'll look at us and say, "Bye, see you later, going to the (fill in the blank.. usually the PX, Commissary, or playground... you can tell what we do with the majority of our days). He's also starting naming his friends house, saying he's going over so-and-so's house. It's pretty cute. He'll drive his cars along the couch and yell out things to himself along the lines of, "NO NO NO, PLEASE, NO NO, STOP!!". Who knows what's going on there, but it's entertaining.

He loves to play this strange "game" about 10 times a day. He calls it "stinky feet". He asks to get in our bed and then says, "smell feet". He sticks his feet in our face and waits for us to gag uncontrollably because his feet are "soooooo stinky". I have no idea where this came, but I'm quite sure my husband started it.
Another favorite pastime of his is to type numbers and letters into Word. He loves for us to help him spell certain words and switch the colors on the letters. Seriously, this kid is going to be bored to tears in Kindergarten.


I'm sure I'm missing things, but I realize this may not be as interesting to all of you like it is to us. You already know I like to keep up with this stuff though to have to look back on. This is a running joke among myself and Trey and also a few of my friends, but I have to say, this is definitely my favorite stage. The joke is that I say that about every single stage :)

Finding the good

First off - I've had a few new followers lately (Heyyyy) and it makes me sad that you don't have your "reply to" email set. I want to connect with you, I really do ...I won't call anyone out.. hey Sarah and Derek.. woops ;) but it makes it hard for me to respond to you when I can't email you. And there have been so many things I've wanted to respond to!

Moving on -

I saw this on Pinterest the other morning, and it really was exactly what I needed to hear at the moment:

Source: encoreuneminute.tumblr.com via Jessica on Pinterest

We have had some really hard days around here lately. Starting Saturday afternoon and it really just hasn't stopped.
Andrew was sick over the weekend. The only way I could tell was that he was BURNING up (got up to 103.5) and would lay still for a ridiculous amount of time.. for him. I wasn't sure what was going on until Monday morning when I woke up with a sore throat and some congestion (nothing the sinus rinse doesn't help, but still.. I imagine that's what was going on with him). He woke up fine though, and all should have been good, right? Wrong. If it were just this, we wouldn't be here writing this post.

I don't know what on God's creation is going on with him. The only thing I can think of is that the ugly "Terrible Two" monster has reared it's ugly head. The one thing I DO  know for sure - I'm going to lose my ever loving mind. Soon. Everything out of his mouth is either said in a finger-nails-on-chalkboard like whine or he just skips right over the whining and goes right into full blown tears. Sometimes even throwing himself on the floor to do so. W.T.H....

I'm handling this in three ways.
One - I insist he talk to me like a big boy. He has the vocabulary. I KNOW he is capable. So when he comes to me whining, I just make him repeat it in "his big boy voice". And he does most of the time and we can move on. The crying and tantrums, while more difficult on my state of mind, are just about handled the same way. Make him use his words when he's just crying and grunting, remove myself from him if he refuses or while he's throwing a tantrum. He knows he can come find me when he's done throwing himself on the floor and we can work it out, but .... sighhhh....
Easier said though, my friends. I do all of the above, but like I said, I'm going to lose it. Just because I remove myself, doesn't mean I can't hear it. Lord help me.

The second thing I'm doing is praising the heck out of the good behavior. That child has never heard so many, "good jobs", "good boys", and " great listening". I pray that this works. This is the more fun way to handle it!

So the third thing I'm doing that I feel will get ME through this.. it will not help him in the least, I'm afraid.. Is finding the good in every day.
Just because my child has lost his mind and is trying to make me lose mine, doesn't mean I have to let him win. The first two days I found that I was a miserable person to be around by the time Trey got home. (he called me one afternoon and I may have even dropped the "f" bomb while talking about our son and told him I was going to Walmart to sell him  :/ )  He doesn't deserve to come home to that and really, it's no fun for anyone. For the most part, I can choose my attitude. It's up to me.

I've started a little notebook and every time I find myself especially thankful for a certain thing, or I notice something beautiful, or we experience a special little moment, I'm writing it down. I figure it has to help change my thinking and make me more calm and appreciative, right? I'm also telling Trey one thing I love about him every day or one thing that I especially appreciated from him that day. I think that will help to keep my day's frustrations from spilling out on him. Or at least if they do, will balance things out.. ha!

Also, I need to pray for some patience! I think I'll need the patience of a saint to get through this phase and that's the only place it's gonna come from!

Paint

Yesterday, I must not have been in the right frame of mind. Maybe it was lack of sleep. Maybe it was hormones. Maybe even just the deep desire to do something.. anything.. to keep myself from having to go out in the hot sun and play "set hut", aka, run back and forth in the yard nonstop while throwing a ball around. Yes, that must have been what it was. Self-preservation.

Either way, I got down on the floor with Andrew and excitedly asked him if he wanted to paint. Not the safe Dot Art paint. The real stuff. Brushes, paint squeezed out on a plate, and a bowl of water, paint. Of course, he read my animated facial expressions and, "yayyyyyy!! Mama, let's paint!!!".  So paint we did.

We were about 5 seconds in when I realized this was a terrible idea. See, I've come a long way when it comes to my toddler mixing with my OCD tendencies. I really have... ask my friends. There was a time, not too long ago, where you may have come into my house and you may have seen a big tarp underneath the highchair. He still sits on top of a kitchen towel while eating dinner, but I promise I only sweep up the mess every other day even! See.. a long way. But I was NOT ready for paint.

A 2-year old boy doesn't keep the colors separate. He will put the brush in the orange and then dabble it into every other color as well to make a lovely brown before he puts the brush to the paper. That broke my spirit a little bit. I tried to fight it at first, but it was a loosing battle for me. Fine.. mix your stupid colors. Who do you think you are, Picasso?

Apparently, a 2-year old also just prefers to paint in the same spot over and over... AND OVER again! Apparently, you'll have to manually turn the paper around to get different spots painted. If you don't, he'll paint a whole through the paper.

Even worse, and what was almost my eternal undoing? He really, in his 2-year old heart, just wants to paint the water. No matter how many times you scream lovingly remind him, "paint, paper, then water", he will dip that brush in every color of paint then look at you and say, "water?" You might as well just take the paper away. It's just a tool for him to get to what he really wants to do - "paint a water". Why bother with the water anyways.. no sense in cleaning off the brush when all the colors are mixed anyways.

It was hard for me. I kept pushing through my anxiety though, because regardless of HOW WRONG IT WAS, he was having a blast. He was concentrating so dang hard on painting that water. And when he did get the brush to the paper, every time he would whole-heartedly exclaim, "ohhh beautiful!!". That's right baby, your brown and puke green painting is beautiful!

And just as important, we have his first painting to hold on to, Daddy has a new Picasso painting in his office, and a dear friend will get one in the mail soon to go up on her wall.

I think I may have some more loosening up to do before I have two of the crazy humans!!

The Big Boy Bed

Right before Trey left for NTC, we decided that when we all got back into town we were going to make the big move. Transition Andrew from his crib to a toddler bed.

He was showing no signs of being ready. No climbing out of the crib or anything like that.. so I was nervous to say the least and am still trying to calm the nerves. So why move him if he was content?
I want to use the crib for the new baby. I want nothing to do with buying a new one. I still could have waited a few months, but he was so many changes coming up later in the year. We move in November and he loses Daddy for 9-ish months. Two months later a new baby will be intruding into his every day life. I didn't want to take his crib away in the middle of all that. I wanted him to already be comfortable in his bed.

So we ripped the bandaid off. All in one sitting he watched us Trey disassemble his crib and set up the new bed. (I really did help with that part!). He was super excited and when it was all put together with the bed set he picked out (Cars, of course), he looked at me, gasped, and said, "Ohhhh Awesome".

Great, I think. We're off to a great start. We read some books, but when I tried to leave the room, he freaked. Needless to say... there was no nap. Attempt #1 - FAIL. That's where I doubted everything. How we handled it mostly. Maybe I should have put the bed together, but kept the crib in for an option. It was obviously traumatic for him. I was beating myself up a little to be honest.

Last night was better. He cried all the way upstairs, but settled down once we got up there. He went right to sleep! I couldn't believe it. However, when I checked on him at 9:30, he was still asleep.. but on the floor. Picked him up and he went right back to sleep. Started screaming at 11 and I couldn't get him to calm down. I had to bring him down to have a little cup of milk. After that, he went straight back down all the way until 5:45am, which is when he decided he was up for the day. Painfully early, but he did better than I thought he would!!

Nap went well today. He screamed going up again, but was fine once we got up there. I tried to lay in bed with him and read, but he told me to "close the door". Which is his nice way of saying get the hell outta here. Talked himself to sleep and slept for almost 2 hours. Score! (note to self: remember that he can get out of his bed now. I swung the door open and the doorknob knocked him in the face! I forgot that was a possibility!)

There weren't even any tears tonight!! I'm so excited. I feel like I may be jinxing myself, but this is going so much better than I expected. I'm so glad we bit the bullet and just went for it. I'm mentally preparing myself for any setbacks, but so far so good! He's constantly talking about his, "boy bed". I think he's pretty proud of himself. Another milestone down!

Separation Anxiety

I know I said I was going to go all Domestic Diva on y'all for the rest of the week, but I actually need some advice/moral support/a pep talk. All of the above.

I take Andrew to our on post CDC (not center for disease, but child development center) once or twice a week. We've been doing this for a while now.. probably since he was 7 months old or so. It's really a great service that you can find at any post. While they do regular day care and preschool, at the same facility they also have hourly care. As long as I make a reservation for him, I can drop him off for as long as I need to. Usually it's for a 2 or 3 hour period.

While it's always upset him when I drop him off, he usually calms down fairly well. He's ALWAYS had trouble with it. He's a little shy I think, when not around me. So whenever I go to pick him up, I usually hear something along the lines of, "he did OKAYYYY, mama." Or, "he cried on and off, but he seemed to have an OKAYYY day". Which has always made me sad.
A lot of my friends use the same service, and they don't seem to have any problems. They play really well there and don't seem to mind when their parents drop them off. I know that all kids are different, and I'm already very aware that Andrew has a certain level of anxiety. (I apologize, future Andrew, I'm afraid you got some these issues from your mama)  But, I would love to see him running around, playing, having a great time. Instead, he cries for me, and clings to one of the caregivers there for the majority of the time. 

The last two times I've dropped him off, they've had to call me because they never could get him to calm down.  They call if a child has been inconsolable for an hour. And I'm glad they call. But, I don't know what's going on. I'm at a complete loss as to what to do, really.

I bring him there for multiple reasons. I guess, first of all, are selfish reasons. I'm involved in things that require me to be childless from time to time. They aren't necessary things, but things I enjoy doing. I'm a member of OCSA (our posts' officer's wives club) and we have monthly luncheons. I really enjoy going to those and don't want to give that up. This is just one example. And sometimes, you just need a few hours to yourself when you have a toddler, right? I know being burnt out sometimes comes with the territory, but I also can't count on my husband to come home at 5 every night to give me a break. So this is the only chance I get.
Also, though, he's going to have to leave the nest at some point. I don't want him to be going through this in Kindergarten! Right?!

With all of that being said, if I thought they were not treating him right or that this was absolutely the wrong thing to be doing, I would take him out in a heartbeat and give up my activities and means of sanity. But that's the problem, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

Do I keep at it and hopefully he'll get used to it and his anxiety will lessen? I asked his caregivers for any suggestions or advice and they said to keep bringing him in. That he needs to get used to it. But am I traumatizing him? Is this just making it worse in the long run? Maybe he's too young?
All I know is it's starting to cause me so much anxiety as well, that my stomach is turning to knots the night before. Which I'm sure he is picking up on and isn't helping him a bit.

What do you think mamas? Feel free to give me your thoughts. I need others' advice from time to time!

This and That

Happy Thursday! Thursdays are happy days around here because it's "Iron Soldier Time" in other words family day, in other words, theoretically my husband comes home around 3:30 instead of 5:30-6:00. Me likey. Although, I do wish this happened on Fridays instead of Thursdays. When he gets home early on Thursday my mind jumps to weekend mode, only to be let down when he gets up and gets dressed for work Friday morning.

I have a good friend here, Ashley, who has started a blog recently called The Way I See It. She has promised me that she is going to write in it more, and this time I believe her ;) I think you all would really enjoy her. She's witty, funny, and sickeningly creative and crafty. I almost literally turned green this morning when I saw what she's done with her laundry room. You can go check her out here.

Yesterday was a bad day for the babe and I. Well.. a bad day for him apparently, which in turn made my day bad. Lots of tantrums. Some in public. Echhh. By the end of the day I had just had enough of that cry and the word "NO". Today has been great though and I'm thoroughly enjoying him again. We all have our days, right?

This Sunday is the Super Bowl. Some of my new readers may need to be aware of the fact that I'm a die hard Patriots fan. So this weekend is kind of a big deal. Super Bowl Sunday ranks pretty high up there on my list of favorite days of the year. I love the sport of course, but the commercials excite me greatly as well. Plus the food... ughh.. perfect day. So while I'm ecstatic that The Pats are playing.. ahem.. again.. this year, I think it's much more fun when I could care less who wins. A little part of me feels that way. Of course, if it's a blow out and I don't have to be pacing and on my way to a heart attack, then all the better. That would be the ideal situation.

What's the big deal about Giselle sending out an email for her friends and family to pray for Tommy? I'm not sure why people are getting upset about that. She's supporting her husband. And why is it any of our business?

I'm still loving my van.. aka.. the Swagger Wagon. Ha! Thanks for that one Jaci! I'm even slowly getting better at parking it. It only took me one try to get it parked in the garage this morning!

Toddler Antics

Today started out like any ol day around la casa.

Cries through the monitor. Shutting said monitor off. Cries and whines out of my mouth. Cranky toddler demanding milk. Making three separate breakfasts for three separate people. Whyyy?? Sweet husband making my coffee, but, umm, I'd like some coffee with my creamer dear. Then balancing the line between getting myself ready, tidying the kitchen, changing poopy diapers, getting and keeping my child clean, playing, encouraging independent play.. like how I worded that?

Oh, wait. It's not even 8:30 in the friggin morning!!

Make my own, stronger, coffee tasting coffee. Throw in Cars with a tad bit of guilt so I can actually get myself ready this time, and excitedly head out the door with enough good behavior enticing bribes in my purse.

We are making our way to Michael's to use some of those gift cards! Cricut cartridges and scrapbook paper here I come!

Then it happened.

Andrew wanted to walk into the store himself, he caveman like told me with grunts and pointing. He's allowed in unbusy parking lots as long as he holds my hand. He knows the drill.
We get into the store and much to his dismay, I put him in a cart. Enter in the slight fussing. It's cool though. I can handle this. I have a cup of water, Goldfish, Kix, cars, Cars stickers, a book with animals in it, pencil and paper. I have a half hour easy with all of this, right?! We do it all the time.

Wrong. Absolutely wrong.

As I'm finally deciding on the cartridge I just have to have, the meltdown starts. Each above mentioned object is making it worse and before I know it, my sweet, loving, charmer of a son is screaming at the top of his lungs, crying real crocodile tears, and arching himself back while kicking his legs everywhere like he is preparing to combust.

I was in shock. At this point I foolishly thought I'd be able to let him settle down, distract him on the sticker isle and still be able to browse the 40% off pads of scrapbook paper. HA!

I got the stares. Y'all know what I'm talking about. The, "how is she going to handle this" and "Hmmm.. someone can't control their kids" stares.

It was intensifying. I didn't know what on God's green (or brown if you live out in our neck of the woods) earth to do, so I just snatched him out of that cart, left it there with my beloved cartridge card, fought back tears, and left. Drove away. All of that for nothing.

What am I getting into here?? I was so angry with him and let him know it. He may not have been able to understand my flow of  "You do not act that way in stores while mommy's trying to get her creativeness on" and sounded much more like "blah blah blahblahblah" to him.. but he heard that tone alright.

He cried the majority of the 15 minute ride home, but when he stopped and I looked back at that sad little, snot covered face, my heart just melted. I felt terrible. I didn't apologize, but I sure wanted to.

I'm in uncharted territory here! All of a sudden, I'm regretting every time I've rolled my eyes at some kid who was screaming in a store.

I have no clue how I'm going to handle these things in public.. at home when these tantrums sprout up, we just ignore it. For now though, I think the simple solutions would be for someone to make a Go To For Everything You Need store, where parents with kids 3 and under can shop. If you go here, it's understood that you'll be shopping amongst screaming children and it just has to be cool. No one is going to cut their trip short. We're going to get what we need, screams or no screams.

This blog post is brought to you by a 3-hour, and still going strong nap. We both needed this today.