~Happy Humpday~

With my recent, brief bout of self-diagnosed depression, and my finding that I had nothing to worry about in the first place, I've decided to put more focus on the positive aspects on my life. I have to give credit to Kate for this idea. I was reading her blog yesterday where she listed 10 items that made her happy, when I thought to myself that I should dedicate one post a week to the things that have put a smile on my face or I am thankful for during the previous week. Wednesday seems to be the day because it was the only clever Title I could come up with...
1. a week ago today was my 2nd last day at work. The 4 layer Godiva chocolate cake sho did make me smile. And I was definitely thankful for all my co-workers who sat around joking and chatting it up while we ate that small piece of heaven.
2. My family. Spending the last two nights I had in town with them was great. Especially Friday night when we went to San Jose for dinner and sat outside in the perfect weather enjoying the food and drinks. Then having a glass or two of wine with my mom on the deck when we got back home.
3. Verrryyyy thankful for a uneventful trip out here to Oklahoma. I feel like it could have gone a lot worse.
4. The 2nd morning of my trip when I looked around me in somewhere, Arkansas and felt that pride of knowing I had made it all by myself. This is a huge accomplishment for me!
5. Walking in to our apartment for the first time and seeing not only my husband, but the flowers and card he had for me as well.
6. Rediscovering each other has definitely made me happy. I'm loving all the time we're spending together right now :)
7. Driving around this new town by myself and checking things out. I love driving down the road, looking over to the left and seeing little mountains. Huge change of scenery for me and I love it.
8. Our new kitchen table, chairs, and couch being delivered yesterday.
9. Realizing that delivery boys are from SC and chatting them up about that!
10. Having one girlfriend in town already. Not someone I met brand new, but a couple that I met while Trey was in OCS.
11. DVR
12. Went to dinner Monday night at Chili's and felt good knowing that 100% of their proceeds went to St. Judes Children's Hospital.
13. Speaking of food... trying out restaurants that are new to me excites me greatly. I can't wait to try every.single.one.of.them. (good thing I've been spending lots of time in the gym)

That's it for this week!

Home Sweet Home?

I MADE IT!! Safe and sound and in one piece.
It's really not as bad as everyone made it out to be... i don't think.. yet. Yes, it's a very small town. But really... everything I need is here (on one of the 2 main roads). Except Target of course, but I digress. That's what online shopping is for. Our little apartment is just perfect. It's plenty big enough for the two of us. I'm really not that hard to please.
I got in around 2:00 yesterday and we we're going going going nonstop until bedtime. Hubs got a thoughtful whim up his sleeve yesterday and had flowers and a presh card waiting for me. He tried to get me a bottle of wine as well, but apparently, they don't sell wine on Sundays here. Beer? Yes. They even have a beer drive-thru here.. ha! But you cannot buy wine on Sundays. Weird. We ate and ran a bunch of errands. I straightened up our little haven immediately and got some candles burning so it smells a little more like home.
Got a laundry list of things to do today to keep me busy as well, but I have a feeling that I'll have a lot more time for the gym and blogging. I do have to find something to keep me busy everyday (you know.. like a job). I don't think I'll find errands to do everyday to get me through.
Point of this post: I'm a lot happier than I thought I'd be. It is what you make of it. We'll have NO control over where this life takes us for as long as hubs decides to stay with this. I have to get up every morning and decide to make the best of every situation I'm put in. I can either decide to be miserable or happy. Either way life is going to keep trucking on, so I might as well smack a big fat smile on my face!

Whewww!

Made it much much further than I thought I would today ~ not on purpose! I'm in the middleofnowhere, Arkansas. There is seriously NOTHING out here. I really wanted to stop before it starting getting dark... little did I know that once I got on 40W there would be nothing but fields for miles and miles - and miles. I started getting pretty damn panicky when it was full on dark outside. I was pretty convinced they were going to make the next Wrong Turn horror flick after me. Thankfully, I got a call from one of my many motherish figures back home and we found an exit close by that had lots of hotels. Love the internet!
I'm exhausted and feel the need to get tested for diseases after all the sketch bathrooms I've been in today, but wanna hear the good news?? I'm about 6 hours away from my husband :)
Off to Oklahoma tomorrow!

Moving Day!

Well after all the waiting and all the drama ~sorry about all that~ the big day is finally here. As we speak right now, my house is being rampaged, clearing out room by room. I feel a little awkward. What should I be doing? I've made all the small talk I think I can possibly make (even I have my limit), offered up drinks, it's a strange part of the day to offer any food... so here I am. Standing around blogging while they're clearing out my house.
I have to say - they do a great job. So far at least. What a relief to see other people come in here and do all this crap for me. With my little ADD problem this would have taken me months to get done!
Side note: I'm pretty sure one of them is ganking our liquor. He opened the liquor cabinet and had this conversation with me:
him: all this going?
me: I didn't think you could take any of that.. you know.. being liquid and all.
him: Oh no no.. we can take that.
*he mumbles incoherent nothings as I sadly say goodbye to my yum flavored vodkas, secretly knowing I'll never see them again*

Now that everything is starting to get on a roll, I'm pretty pumped to get on the road Saturday morning. All that's left for me is one more night out with some coworkers tonight, a day of cleaning and buying a GPS, and Friday night with my family. I hope to be in Oklahoma by Sunday night!!

Later added:
I'm convinced this stuff really only happens to me. Luckily I enjoy laughing at myself.
Man those movers are nice and thoughtful. Not only do they come and load up all of your stuff for you so you don't have to lift a finger ~ they then turn around and leave you a gift!! What? They've never left any of you anything? Let me share! Minutes after they leave, I attempt you use the little girls room. As I lift open the toilet seat I have to back away to keep from losing the pizza I just ate. Mr. Mover Man's pizza got to him apparently and decided to relieve himself in my bathroom. He also decided to clog the toilet something fierce. AFTER he packed the plunger I guess. Reaaallyyyyy??? Then he had the audacity to shake my hand before he left. Niiccee.. looks like I'm adding Lowe's into my above list of things to do.

Making the Best of it

A new week seems to have brought out a SLIGHTLY more optimistic view point. I'm not saying I'm magically cured from all my thoughts and worries, but I am a little better off. I'm feeling a tad bit of excitement about getting there, although it is very small, it's still there. Mostly I'm having to just keep myself busy.
Right after I put that last post up, my slightly older BFF called to ask if I wanted to go to the Carolina game with her. UUMMM YESSSSS! I was immediately uplifted and shot out of bed to get ready. To say I was pumped was a little bit of an understatement. I seriously did not plan on getting out of bed for another 5 hours. Just how much fun we had at that game is not going to be discussed here ;) We did a little more tailgaiting than game watching! But anywho ~ that kept me busy all day Saturday.
I wasn't feeling my best Sunday, but went to my parents house to watch the Pats (they sure as hell didn't pick my mood up) then to my in-laws for dinner. I was still in a bit of a funk that day though. Today after work is when I could feel a little bit of a change. Whether it be the ahhmazing workout I had or getting a text from Trey asking me to bring some of my mom's candles with me and to hurry up and get there so I can make that little place a home ~ I could feel something life inside. I'm not delusional and I know I'll go through things like this for a while back and forth, but it was nice to finally feel some optimism again.. and I think I'll ride it for as long as I can :)

PS ~ hubs has been incredibly helpful throughout all of my pity party. I've told him every bit of this and more so and he's been so understanding and uplifting. He's a much better person than me. I'm pretty positive that had the tables been turned and he was the one dreading coming out to live with me in Oklahoma, I may have taken that too personally. He's a saint. The end.

PSS ~ my spell check is playing games with me. If there are too many horrific misspellings (that one included) I'm sorry... I tried to spare you!

The Hard Truth

I am not in a good place right now. I'm not myself at all.
I think I've been fighting this off and on for a couple of months now, but I really think I've fallen into a for real state of depression or something and it's gotten to the point where I'm worried about myself. All I want to do is stay in bed. It's extremely hard for me to get out. I thank God I was called back into work until I leave (a week from today) because I really don't know what I would have done with myself. It's hard for me to eat. Those that know me best are probably ready to have me committed after hearing that. I live for food. Lately the thought of it turns my stomach.
It's gotta be the fact that a big fat dose of reality has hit me about moving. I don't know why I'm so worked up about it. I can't explain why. All I know is every day that it gets closer, the deeper and deeper I sink in to this funk. I don't feel like that is normal. I want to get more and more excited every day because I'm that much closer to living with Trey again. But the simple truth is I'm not. The thought of getting in that car next week and driving away makes me nauseous.
The few people that I've talked to about this that are not military, tell me that this is normal. That I've been living on my own for 8 months and they completely understand how scary it must be to just pack everything up and just go. For the first time in my life, I'm packing up my car and leaving everything I know and am comfortable with. They understand the thoughts that are literally breaking my heart.
What I'm afraid of though, is what everyone else thinks. You girls that have been through this and have been going through it for a long time. Is this normal or do I need some serious help? Please tell me this gets better!

Staying True To My Name

Man... I really feel like I made this whole moving thing way harder on myself than it needed to be. In my defense, we weren't sure if this was going to be considered a PCS move since we're only there until the end of April. And regardless of what the Army considered it ~ I was going with him. Come hell or high water. So, just to be on the safe side, I started packing. One room in our house is dedicated completely to boxes. Not such a good thing says Transportation. Not too big of a deal, but I will have to un-tape all those boxes I took the time to tape. Oh well, done.

Now I've never actually been through one of these moves, but it sounds like it goes pretty smoothly? Feel free to bust my bubble if you feel the need. The only thing I'm a honestly more than a little down about is the fact that hubs is leaving tomorrow. They aren't coming to pack our stuff until the 24th and 25th. Then loading it up on the 28th. Which means I can't leave until then. I know it's only a couple more weeks, but I sho am sick of waiting! I feel like I've been talking about this and waiting for it until I'm blue in the face. The fact that we have had NO CLUE what we're doing all along hasn't really helped, but next time we'll know *hence the title of my blog... Learning As We Go...*

Grrrrrr! I'm ready to get out there and start a new life in Oklahoma!!

I Can Finally Share!

Remember this post?? It felt like it was oh-so-long-ago!! I've been keeping this in for so long. I really didn't mean to keep everyone in suspense (because I know you've just been hanging on the edge of your seat). When I first got this news, I naively thought the owner of the great news was going to let me blab about it all over the Internet. Not so much. But my SIL, Melissa, has FINALLY given me the green light so here it is. Ya ready??


I'm going to have my first niece come the end of January!!! Yup, Trey's sister is 5 months pregnant and she found out today that she is having a little girl. She was so hesitant to let me blab my big mouth about it because she wasn't out in the open with it herself. She is by far old enough to have a baby, but her and her boyfriend aren't planning on getting married right away. And you know, unfortunately there are still stigmas attached to that. So I can't say that I blamed her. But I was just ddyyyyying to come out with this news. Her family is very supportive and we're all pretty dern excited to meet this little girl in January. Well, Trey and I won't be meeting her then, but hopefully not long after! Even though I won't be there to meet her in person, I'm sure her pictures will be all over this blog!

So there you have it... my big news. We're getting Trey all ready for his road trip. Got his car looked at today and oil changed. Got his packing list together. Tonight we're hanging out with my family and going to my brother's baseball game. And tomorrow's the big transportation briefing... at 8:30 in the morning.... Grrrrr!

Stolen!

I saw this post on one of my favorite blogs this morning, Home is Where the Army Sends Us, and had to swipe the idea for myself! I don't have much mental capacity today so here it is:

Sitting... on the futon. Somewhat watching an old episode of Intervention.
Drinking...Nothing at the moment but seriously debating getting a cup of OJ to take my Zyrtec D.
Noting... that since Trey's gotten home there seems to be a lot of random junk appearing all over the house again. I thought I had this all under control. Where is all this crap coming from?
Weighing...the pluses and minuses of showering today. I'd rather not but it may be necessary. I really should at least wash my face.
Tired...yes! From staying up/out too late and getting up earlier than I wanted to.
Thinking... about waaayyy too much. There's usually about 20 random thoughts going through my mind at any given time. It's a wonder a don't go insane.
Wondering... if I should go outside and help Trey with yard work. And if I did would I be doing much good? I feel pretty worthless right now.
Reading... Jodi Piccoult's latest, "Handle With Care". I love it and can't wait to finish it.
Recently finished... said episode of Intervention.
Also wondering...what I'm going to do with my life in Oklahoma.
Needing... more money.
Not liking... know what? I can't think of anything at the top of my head. Why force myself to think about something I'm not liking if I'm not thinking about it already. I'm skipping this one!
Feeling silly... ha! For staying out too late with some girlfriends and drinking more than I intended. And for having to call hubs at a somewhat horrible hour to pick us up. Then having to do the walk of shame this morning in the parking lot I left my car at while the cooks were having a good chuckle to themselves asking me if I had a good night last night.

Denial?

I am feeling NO emotion about this move that is quickly becoming a reality! I don't know what's wrong with me. I came to this conclusion yesterday when I realized I was saying OUT LOUD that I was sad and dreading it, but that's not what I was feeling inside. I've always been such an emotional person, so much so that you might have classified me as emotionally unstable (yeah... that bad), so I think I have been saying that I'm sad and upset because that's what everyone expects me to say (myself included).
I thought I was going to be a WRECK on my last day of work. Not at all. (I'll save that day for it's own separate post). When I think about seeing our friends and families for the last time, I have NO sense of dread or sadness. I really don't think I'm going to even cry. Don't get me wrong... I'm going to miss everyone terribly, but when I moved 15 minutes away from my family I bawled for the entire night. Something's not right here!

I'm thinking the answer to this could be a multitude of things

1. I'm growing up and maturing (ha.. doubtful)
2. I know that it's not really goodbye. My grandfather always taught us that it's "see you later". Goodbye means never again.
3. I'm just that excited to live in a new place with Trey.
4. I'm cold hearted and have no feelings. (kidding)
5. Between blogging, facebook, email, texting, and good ol' fashioned phone calls, I won't feel like I'm very far away anyways.
6. My last thought and hopefully not the correct one.... I have a big fat case of denial.

Of course I'm going to miss everyone, but I think I've been waiting for this for so long that I'm just ready to get this show on the road! We have our transportation briefing Wednesday morning. My first one ever! Wish me luck!!

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

Football season is off to a wonderful start. My cocks started it off with not so much of a bang Thursday night. Yes we won and all but it wasn't necessarily pretty. Quite a boring win and we're still gangster as ever with the dirty moves like trying to break people's necks and all with no shame. Not even trying to hide it. But ya know.. that's who we are. Predictable every year and that's okay.

Tonight's when the REAL excitement starts for me. I've suspected the change rising in me since last year, but this year I'm ready to fully admit it. Hubs has finally changed my heart. After 8 seasons of watching football together.... I admit defeat. My heart fully bleeds Crimson.

First game is tonight against Virginia Tech and I cannot wait. Never fails to be an exciting game and i'm praying I know this season will be as good, if not better, than last year. Remember last year? We go undefeated all year and then lose the SEC Championship game to Fl and the bowl game against Utah. I can stand losing to Florida... it's Florida.. nuff said. But Utah? Utah??? Ohhh it's too painful to even bring back those memories. I sometimes think that's really the reason hubs joined the Army shortly after that game. Life as he knew it could never be the same after that.

One thing I will miss on that field this year? This delicious piece of juice:

John Parker Wilson ~ what will I do without having you to drool over cheer on all season??? I'll tell you what tonight's energy will be focused on. Coughing, blowing my nose until it's raw, and spitting out continuous drainage. (sorry for that disturbing visual). That's right, it's my turn to have the crud. I'm just praying I don't pass it on to Trey before he makes the trip out to Oklahoma Thursday!

Just a lil Update & a Memory

Nothing much going on around here! We've just been enjoying each other's company constantly.. with a slight little interuption called work. Not such a bad thing though... this is my last week working there and I'm getting a little emotional about that. I know Friday's going to be a pretty rough day for me. Better believe that when we go out for dinner Friday night with friends that hubs is going to have to be DD. His turn ~ I think I'm going to have one of those drown my tears in beer nights ;)

We went to church Sunday morning. I mention this because it was a little moment I had where I felt extremely close to my grandmother. It was nice. Speaking of which, I have a copy of her obituary I want to post. Not so much because I think you will all find it thrilling, more so because I know I'll always have a copy of it if I put it here. Sad that I don't know how to keep things like that other than blogging anymore? Maybe.


Ann V. (Riggs) McGrane
MARLBOROUGH Ann V. (Riggs) McGrane, 82, of Marlboro, formerly of Hudson and Florida, died on Friday, Aug. 28th at Bolton Manor Nursing and Rehabilitation Center in Marlboro with her loving family at her side. She was the beloved wife of the late William McGrane who died in 2002. Ann was born in Frederick, Maryland, daughter of the late Floyd and Anna Riggs. She attended Culinary Arts School for two years after high school in Rochester, NY and was a Chef at the former Saint Anns Convent in Marlboro for many years. Anna and her husband William resided in Hudson for many years before retiring to Florida for 20 years. She has resided in Marlboro the last 9 years. She is survived by her son, Michael G. McGrane of Worcester; four daughters, Kathleen Blood and her husband Ronald of Hudson, Lynda Gordon of Athol, MA, Carolyn Sciabarrasi and her husband Dennis of Lunenburg and Ann Yetton and her husband Charlie of Columbia, South Carolina. She is also survived by her ten Grandchildren and eleven Great Grandchildren. A funeral mass will be celebrated on Monday, Aug. 31st at 9:00 a.m. in the Immaculate Conception Church, 11 Prospect Street, Marlboro. Burial will take place at the convenience of the family. There are no calling hours. Funeral arrangements are under the direction of: Tighe-Hamilton Funeral Home, Inc. 50 Central St. Hudson, MA 01749. (www.tighehamilton.com). In lieu of flowers, donations in memory of Ann may be made to:
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American Cancer Society, 30 Speen Street, Framingham, MA 01701.

Other big plans for the week:
The gym tomorrow is a must for the both of us.
Thursday night = first Carolina game of the season ~ holllllaaaa! I'm so excited. We'll be getting together with some friends to watch that massacre.
Friday night = dinner with more friends and said plans of drowning my tears.
Saturday = gym and first Alabama game. Hubs is beyond thrilled

It'll be a VERRRRY happy household if we can pull out a win for Carolina AND Bama this week... keep your fingers crossed. Unless of course your a NC State or Virginia Tech fan. If so, uncross those fingers!!

Busy Busy Busy

Whewwwwww...

We've been home since Thursday night, but it's been non-stop, go go go! In fact, we have to go go go again in about 20 minutes so this is just a quick little update to let you guys know I'm still alive and we're doing really well.

1. graduation went really well. Except for the fact that during the whole ceremony people were creeping politely on their knees to take pictures of their graduate except for when it was time for Trey to go up. Then they decided to not so politely stand in my way so I got a crap picture. More pictures to come later.
2. It took about a day and 1/2 to get readjusted to living with each other again. It was hard for him coming into a mostly packed house. Even harder to learn that you can no longer leave your shit laying around at any time. You never know when someone might want to come and take a gander at the house!
3. But it's good now and i'm loving every.single.second we have together.
4. We got family pictures taken with his family yesterday and i'm prettttty sure they will end up coming out amazingly and i'll have a really hard time picking out just a few.
5. My grandmother finally passed away yesterday. Last night around 7:30 actually. We knew it was coming. She's been suffering really badly all week and she was down to 7 breaths a minute yesterday. I had a hard time with it last night, but I really know that she's much much better off. I can just imagine her running around with my grandfather not even losing a breath. Actually I can't imagine them frolicking around together. More like playing poker or rummy with one of her "damn ice coffees" in hand.
6. Trey is about to kill me with these damn Army workouts. Thank God that tomorrow is a day of rest. Literally, I'm thanking Him. My legs can barely hold themselves up and are in a constant state of wobble, my abs hurt so much I can barely breath in and out.
7. Tonight we're going to hang out with a couple of our good friends. I've seen them countless times since Trey's left but I'm excited for him to see everyone again. These are the two guys that Trey's been close with since 9th grade. *and their beautiful wives*
8. Tomorrow we're going to church in the morning. Again, I've gone here and there since he's been again, but I'm AGAIN, so excited for him to see everyone.

That is all for now. Preparing to go back into work on Monday and am dreading it will enjoy every day since it's my last week.
Here's to hoping the rest of the week crawls by at a snails pace!

Cinderella?

I had a GREAT time last night! First of all... loved my dress. I didn't want to take it off at the end of the night. *Side note* I put way too much thought into that dress. Seriously, not being ugly (well I kinda am I guess), but I really could have put NO effort or thought into it and would have been better off than some of those girls. All I'll say is this... do we really think that wearing a dress with a very revealing strappy back showing off your tramp stamp in all it's glory is appropriate? I think not. I have nothing against tats what-so-ever, but coommeee on... can we cover the massive ones for a formal??? Ecchhhh...

I sort of felt bad for hubs. Okay, I felt really bad for him. Remember, this isn't the company he started out with. This isn't the group of people he depended on and formed bonds with for 11 weeks. He's had about a week and 1/2 to "get to know" this company. So it was pretty awkward for him sitting around the dinner table while they were all telling "war stories" and Trey had nothing to do with any of it. He missed his guys. But alas, we had a good time anyways, and soon we'll be reunited with them in OK. Here are some pics:

500 bobby pins and 2 cans of hairspray later....

I'm pretty confident that I have the hottest husband on the planet... sorry girls ;)

Later Added:

I forgot to write about the one thing I made a mental note to blog about last night. *Yes, I think about this lil blog at any significant moment during the day*

One thing I realized last night is what I'm loving about being part of this huge Army Family. I love feeling like I'm part of something that is much much bigger than myself. I love the little moments like when the color guard is presenting the colors. It was such a surreal moment to me that hundreds of people in one room got absolutely silent, seeing my husband in his uniform go completely stiff (well all the soldiers really.. ), and watching those men bring in the flags while being ordered to march this way, that way, stop.. blah blah.. I don't know.. I loved it.

The toasts, and this is when it all really hit me, were also one of my favorite parts. There were toasts to America, to the Army, to the Commander, to OCS, and then finally to all of the fallen soldiers. It was all I could do not to break down right there. They had an empty table set up just to represent all of the fallen soldiers. The empty chairs to represent where they could no longer sit. The plates to represent the food they could no longer eat. The wine glasses tilted because they can no longer drink out of them. Salt to represent all of the tears shed. Then we all did a silent toast to them with water instead of the champagne. It was incredibly moving.

Safe & Sound

Thank God that was the last time I'll ever have to drive that trip down here. It's really not so so bad.. I don't mind the actual trip ~ 5 straight hours of jamming out to some tunes ~ yes please! I really just can't take sitting still for that long. Anywho... i'm here now and the room is nice! No complaints here.
So now I wait for hubs to be released. Think i'll go venture out to keep myself occupied. I've already scoped out the mall down the street which has a couple hair salons in it apparently... someone needs to do that for me tomorrow. I'm all thumbs when it comes to styling my hair. *no smart comments from the people that see me everyday please ;)*

Hope everyone had a great Monday... well as good as a Monday can be at least!

Enough of That!

I've been so focused on the negative lately and have been so down in the dumps that I'm sick of myself! If I have any readers left it'll be a miracle! Unfortunately for all of you, I find it much easier to write about than to show feelings "IRL" so you get the brunt of it all. Healthy? Maybe not so much but it is what it is...
Buuttt I really can't take myself anymore so I'm choosing to pick my self up by the britches and make some changes. The bad things in life are going to happen... all I can do is try to roll with it, focus on the things I have to be thankful for, and learn from any mistakes. Positive thoughts for the day:

• Did I chose to give my sweet, adorable dog away, when in the long run she may have been a really good thing for me? Yes. But you know what? She's in such a good home with lots of love and companionship that I just know she has to be happier. I can't worry about what other people think about that decision either. I know I did the right thing for me and Daisy.
• My grandmother (as we all know by now) is on her last strings, but she's had quite the long and fulfilling one. I'm pretty sure she's excited to go and be with her husband again. I have so so so many good memories of that woman. I know I'll see her again.
• Our house hasn't sold *or rented* yet and because of a couple different emergencies, we have no emergency fund left. I'm almost through with my job which means we'll be down to one paycheck and double the housing expenses. I don't know how we are going to get by, but WE'LL get by together some how. I'm going to be living with my husband again and if we have to eat Raman Noodles every day so be it. I'm pretty fond of them anyway. They have lots of different flavors so we won't get sick of them. Maybe one night a week we can splurge on Kraft Mac & Cheese. Which is my fav. Speaking of my husband...
• He passed his PT test. He's graduating this Thursday!!!
• I'm leaving tomorrow morning for a couple days of graduation festivities.
• And he's coming home with me right after graduation. For two weeks.
• Then we're moving away. Together.
• I went to church this morning and it was the best feeling ever. Even better of a feeling? When hubs told me he wants to make it a priority to find a good church in OK and go every week. That needs to become more of a priority in our lives.
• I had a great day today with my in-laws. Church with them, lunch afterwards, and painting nails with my MIL afterwards = pretty dern good day.

That's all for now.

I'm taking my laptop with me tomorrow since he'll still be "working" during the day. I plan on laying out by the pool for the majority of the day. I'll be sure to update throughout the week... especially after the ball on Tuesday!

Thanks for sticking with me throughout my "poor me" stage. All your thoughts, prayers, and kind words made me smile throughout it all :)

Serenity Now

One of the issues that has been weighing on me a lot lately is my grandmother. It has been an up and down roller coaster for the past couple of weeks. One day she's doing fine ~ the next she's going to the hospital and asking for the priest ~ then she's doing more than fine and it was just the drugs that were making her feel like she was dying ~ now my mom is in route to the airport. She's flying up there to see her.... things don't look good. She's back at the hospital, trouble breathing, lungs filling up again. She signed a DNR yesterday. I can't say I blame her.

I know I've already mentioned this, but one thing that has really comforted me throughout this process is faith. I know my gma has a ton of it, and I have enough to make me believe she's going to be perfect again standing in front of Jesus the second she does pass.
Right before my cousin Kate came down here last week to move into the dorms, gma gave her a stone I guess you can call it. It's clear and has an angel in it. She taught her the Serenity prayer and told her that it's always helped her to hold on to the stone for a bit, while saying that prayer. Knowing how much of a hard time I've been going through, Kate then turned around and gave that to me last week. I know... it meant the world to me. I've used it quite often over the past week and I have to say, I really do think that it helps. This will be something I treasure for the rest of my life, thinking of gma and kate every time I hold onto it.

Here is the prayer in case you have never heard of it. I love it.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can:
and wisdom to know the difference.

Perfect Timing

I got tagged with an award today and it could not have come at a better time.

Honestly, I have just been in a bad place. I have so much going on inside my head right now. I've been neglecting this little blog of mine because I feel like I can't make any sense of all the jumbled thoughts that have been completely consuming me. So really, it's just been easier not to write at all then to tackle that mess!

So when I was pretty excited when I was tagged with this today from Meg over at Adapting to Change. Perfect because I needed something to pretty much tell me what to write! Plus, I love a little Q&A about myself *and love seeing other people's responses*

1. Who is the hottest Movie Star? I love me some Jake Gyllenhaal. Yum. 'Nuf said. And because I'm not afraid to embrace my girl crushin tendencies I'm going with Kate Hudson as well.
2. Apart from your house and car, what is the most expensive item you have ever bought: I'm really a big cheap ass so this is a hard question. I don't remember how much our living room furniture was, but I'm sure that was it.
3. What is your most treasured memory? wow... most treasured memory ever? Hard question again... Let's go with huge family vacations at Garden City for the first couple of years we moved down here. My wedding weekend/ honeymoon. I remember looking around the night before I got married at all of my family and friends who had all come together just for Trey and I *and a slammin party* and it just took my breath away. The RV parked in my driveway is what really put me over the edge though. Sitting with my grandmother while she rubbed my back a couple weeks ago would be my most recent one. Seems simple, but she just doesn't do that kind of affectionate stuff. Ever.
4. What was the best gift you ever received as a child: Grrrr.. I thought this was going to be easy and thoughtless. Another tuffy. I loved the bike my Aunt Kathy got me one year for my birthday I think. We'll go with that one.
5. What is the biggest mistake you have ever made? ha! we don't have all night do we? Sometimes I feel like I'm a walking mistake, but these quotes pretty much sum up how I feel about that (stolen from my FB page):
"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions"~Augusten Burroughs
"... i am the author of my life ...unfortunately im writing in pen and can`t erase my mistakes "
I try...
6. 4 words to describe yourself: optimistic (although you can't tell that lately), passionate, sarcastic, fickle
7. What was your highlight or low light of 2008? I don't even remember last week!
8. Favorite Film? can't pick just one. Love Actually. Cold Mountain. Crash. Christmas Vacation.
9. Tell me one thing I don’t know about you. I have a deep love for rap music. I'm secretly pretty gangster
10. If you were a comic book/strip or cartoon character, who would you be? eechhh.. I don't know!

Here's my 4 lucky picks to pass this on to:
Teresa at Across the Ocean
Jessica at Home is Where the Army Sends Us
Shannon at Mr. and Mrs. In Training
Heather at ...And Now I'm a Grownup

Hardest Decision EVER

Ugghhhh... I have been a crying fool for the past 3 days. I have prayed and prayed about this decision and the answer to that prayer literally came knocking on my door tonight.

My neighbors have been taking care of Daisy while I'm at work. The mom and daughter, Catherine. Catherine is about 13. The mom was at my door and came in for a bit. she wanted to be sure that I was really okay with the fact that they sometimes brought Dais over they're house to play with their dog Roscoe. I told her it was more than okay and it in fact made me feel much better about leaving in the morning. She proceeded to tell me how ever since their small dog, Scout, passed away Roscoe has been so depressed. Every since Daisy has been coming around it's just lifted Roscoe's spirits up. I guess he is really gentle with her and they are great together. Scout was her son's dog so she also told her that having Daisy around has made her mind up that she wants to buy her son another small dog. At this point the tears starting flowing from my eyes.

You see, I've been struggling for the past three days over whether or not I made the right decision with getting Daisy. I truly love her with my entire heart and this is extremely heart breaking for me, but I really don't think my timing was very good. The days of my paychecks coming in are dwindling. Our house still hasn't sold. When we move, we are going to be good to feed ourselves. I've had one emergency after the other which has dwindled our emergency fund to almost zilch. I'm so stressed out over that. Little dog expenses add up. Between the vet visits and constant grooming, and paying for a house we won't be living in, I was really starting to worry. I also received news today that my grandmother took another turn for the worse. She's back in the hospital and called the Priest in to be with her today. That got me thinking about the costs of flying places and boarding her to do so. And to be honest, I didn't realize how much time she would take up, so there are some selfish reasons in there as well that I was doubting this. I'm seriously late on paying a couple bills because I don't know how to half ass anything. I feel so bad for leaving her all day, that by the time I get home I feel like she has to have 100% of my attention all night long.

So I've cried and cried and prayed and prayed and the answer to that prayer came to me I believe. It's going to be the hardest thing I've every had to do, but I've decided to hand her over to my neighbor. They love her so so much. They have the experience to raise her and train her right. There will be people home with her all day. As much as I will be in despair for who knows how long missing her, I know she will be going to a great home. Can't ask for much more than that. My head knows that, but my heart is pitching a fit right now!

Back Again

Another weekend flown by and done with. This one was all too great, but went by waayyy too fast. I've about had it with this whole visiting thing with my husband. I'd really love to live together again. I know I'm lucky in the fact that I get to see him about once a month and he is coming home soon. I know that we'll be living together again shortly, but for some reason, that just didn't help with this goodbye. I cried more than I ever have and my heart still hurts. :(

The fact that I'll see him again in about 2 weeks is doing nothing for me. I think I am really just so overwhelmed (you know... hoping against hope and praying my heart out that we can get rid of this house, my grandmother, training a new person at work, attempting but failing greatly at training a puppy... blah blah blah) that I just can't deal with being without him right now. Just to have a big bear hug when I need it or have him here to talk to whenever, or help train this puppy!!!

They were adorable together over the weekend. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. All I can say is... she without a doubt has him wrapped and God help me if we ever have a *real* daughter...

yes they really slept like that....

Our first family portrait

Don't let these sweet pictures fool you. She is officially a hellion and have entertained the thought of bringing her right back where she came from. Just kidding. Kind of. Please tell me it's going to get better. Please tell me I'll stop saying "NO" 1500 times a day. That I'll be able to watch a TV show and not have her get into something every 2 seconds. Any advice is more than welcome!