April 11, 2013

No Bad Days Allowed

I've been working this post in my head for a while now, but I've gotten to the point where I'm obsessing over it. So it's time to get the words out.

When you have young children, everyone wants to see you thoroughly enjoying every moment of your life.
"Enjoy every second while you can"
"This is the easiest it will ever be, just wait until they...."
"You'll miss these days"
And many other varieties of the same comments.
 And I'm sure they are right.

Listen, I know how blessed I am. I know how lucky I am to have two healthy, beautiful, thriving children. I know what some people would only give to be in my situation and trust me, I'm very sensitive to that.
But damn if this isn't tough sometimes (a lot of the times).

I'm up with the both of them usually before 7 in the morning. They tag team me on most days. Rise and shine mom, we both need you NOW. It doesn't end until 8:30 at night. So for 13.5 hours I'm on. And it's mostly just me. My partner in all this isn't here. While there are wonderful, precious moments sprinkled in and some days are filled with those moments, there are going to be days where I just cannot find the good in it for the life of me.
The days where I cannot bear to listen to ONE MORE whine. Where I feel like I've heard nothing but cries and temper tantrums. Where I might as well just get a tape recorder and just press myself saying, "get in timeout" every 5 minutes. Days where my back is killing me because every time I go to put my 2 month old down he screams. Days where I'm just flat exhausted by 8pm and I would give anything to have my husband here to give me a break so I can take a shower, a bath, have a glass of wine or just rest for a few minutes. Because while I do have my parents, it's not at all the same as having the other parent with you.

So some days I feel like I'll never get through it. Some days I'm reduced to nothing but tears because that's all I have left. And in that moment, I don't want to hear how lucky I am. I don't want to hear that it's just going to get harder, but OHMYGOD, I can't handle it now, I don't want it to get harder! I don't want to hear that I need to be counting my blessings instead of allowing myself to be human. I don't want to hear that I should basically be sucking it up because, hey life is good.

I know life is good. I know in the grand scheme of things, I'm extremely lucky. But sometimes, I just want to hear that someone else has been there. That they remember how hard it can be and to just hang in there, that tomorrow will be better. Tell me that as hard as it is, that I'm doing a great job. Be as quick to give out any kind of motivation to that mother of young children as you are to scold her for giving in to that long, hard day. Sympathize with her. Build her up.

Because while we already know that the years go by all too fast. the days are extremely long. And sometimes we're just flat tired.


Steve Finnell said...

you are invited to follow my blog

Sarah said...

I'm not a stay at home mom, Jessica, but know what you're talking about. When Derek has been on trips, I get a glimpse of how hard your job is on the weekends and it's tough... and I only have ONE! I think being a mom is one of the toughest jobs in the world and we're all in the same boat. Thanks for being real and honest!!

just ask beth said...

IT IS VERY HARD..BUT I MUST SAY having him gone when they are small is alot easier when then are older, because A) they don't nap and B) you have to take them everywhere, but C) they do go to School.. it is very hard without Daddy there and a break..or a day when he makes dinner..bathes the children etc..

Jen said...

You are amazingly strong!!! I am in awe of you always.

Unknown said...

I've been reminded several times lately, that we are in a season in our life. Each season is different and will have it's different challenges. It is OK to have days where you cannot stand another time out. Having hubby away is hard because he our rock. We lean on them to make us feel better, just having him come home each night is a blessing. Yet another season in our military life. It is hard will little ones. Jack was only 4 months when Eric deployed. I had days where the only strength I had left was in the form of tears. I pray for all you spouses separated from loved ones. It doesn't get easier you just do what you have to. Prayers for you and that you see as many happy glimmers in your days and the tears.

Unknown said...

I love this post. Just because I don't enjoy the tantrums and the rough patches doesn't make me a bad mom, it just makes me human. You are so right that there is pressure that every little bit must be perceived as wonderful even when sometimes you just want to curl in a ball and cry. You are a REAL mom if you can recognize this :-)

JG said...

I know it's not the same, but I got so fatigued before SoldierMan left with everyone telling me "Enjoy ever second before he leaves!" Really? Every second? even when he's cranky? Even when we're both tired and just need some alone time? it's too much pressure and unrealistic.

Steph said...

Jess, I haven't exactly been there but I do have some kind of idea how rough it has to be.

You ARE doing a great job! Don't ever forget that. Your boys are very lucky to have you, all three of them.

Don't be afraid to ask for help.

I've been thinking about you. If you need anything, you can email me anytime.

Does the little fella like his tag blanket?

Mel said...

The good news: you're human.

You know I'm not a mother yet, but what little I do know includes this: some days are hard, awful, crappy, and exhausting and others are wonderful, amazing, beautiful, and full of joy. And some months are more full of the crappy days than the great ones.

It is OK to ask for help, to admit you're tired, and DO NOT ever feel guilty for wanting just a few hours to yourself for a hot shower and one of your favorite shows.

You deserve it. And hugs. Lots of hugs. :)

Expat Girl said...

There are days when I cry more than I laugh at my children... does that make you feel more normal?! Toddlers are naughty and babies are needy = tired Baby Mamas. Keep going, remember the good days and laugh at the quote about waking up as Mary Poppins and ending up as Cruella De Vil!