... your world can be threatened to crash down all around you.
Good thing today.. our world only toppled and did not totally crash.
Trey and I started noticing not too long ago that at times throughout the day, Andrew's left pupil was considerably larger than his right. I made an appointment at SFMC to get it checked out, but wasn't very concerned. I didn't think too much of it and was doing just that.. just getting it checked out.
And this conversation with the doc is where we can enter the teeter-tottling (real phrase? sure. ) of my world.
has he been throwing up? (no)
has he been through any kind of trauma? (yes.. enter birth story)
was he hooked up to oxygen? (yes)
he never had any bleeding in his brain though? (yes actually, he did have a hematoma)
This is when she tells me that she is not concerned in the least with getting him to see an Opthamologist at the moment and I needed to get him up to William Beaumont for a CT Scan to make sure there was not a brain tumor.
Just like that. My brain didn't even have time to be wrapped around the concept before I was out the door and on my way. I was going to the Radiology Dept. to make sure my baby didn't have a brain tumor.
I didn't cry until I was alone with him in the room, seeing him basically in a straight jacket and having to grab a hold of his little 5 month old chin to make sure he didn't move a spec while he bawled his eyes out. This couldn't be happening. His life couldn't be threatened for the second time in less than a half of a year. But it very well could be happening, the other half of my brain was screaming ( I have two sides I guess.. one that loves to stay in denial and one that needs to prepare for the absolute worst.). It happens to people all of the time.. you are no different.
It is not, after all, happening to us - thank God. His pediatrician is a saint. She was very concerned and even though she was off, arranged to have the results called in to her so she could be sure we got the news ASAP. As I was pulling in my driveway she called with the wonderful news! I feel the need to send her flowers.. or at least a card.
So now we move on to the next step. We'll be getting referred to see an Opthalmologist at the end of next week and will go from there. Whatever it is, it's not a brain tumor, we can deal with it.
We are an extremely thankful family tonight. Andrew.. we love you to pieces, but please stop scaring us like that.