decisions, decisions...

I've been in my new little town for almost 2 weeks now. Something I've been struggling with since I came out here was the whole work situation. I've been thinking and thinking, looking, talking about it with Trey.. so it's only natural that I blab about it here now too.

To work or not to work.. here's my dilemma.

I've been looking for jobs and really... there's not much going on. I'm partly to blame for that though. I have too many conditions and they may be a tad unrealistic. I looked on the NAF website (helps spouses find jobs on post) but you have to be stationed here for at least 12 months. We'll only be here for 1/2 that time. I look in classifieds but see things like, "looking for an exciting new career path? Applebees carside to go is the next step for you". I'm in no means above any job, but here lies my problem(s).

A) I only want to work part-time. For right now at least.
B) I want very specific hours and it's very very selfish. I want to be able to fit going to the gym, running errands, and still being able to make dinner in my day. I want to have weekends off to spend with Trey.
C) I REALLY want to figure out what it is that I want to do with my life. I feel like I'm just passing through not really knowing what direction I'm going in. Even if we were stationed here for a couple of years and I was looking for a full time job, I wouldn't know what I wanted to do. I'm thinking about going back to school, but have no clue what for. Basically, think I've got some good ol' soul searching to do!

I know what I listed above is not real life. I'm going to have to get over that. But part of me just wants to enjoy that for a little while. I keep the house clean, do the laundry, and run the errands during the week when he's training.. which all used to take up our weekend. Now we'll be able to actually enjoy that time and cross off things on our list to do while we're out here. But the other half of me is having a hard time letting myself enjoy that. Don't get me wrong, I keep myself busy during the day for the most part. I'm hardly ever sitting around doing nothing. But I've been working nonstop since I was old enough to work. The fact that I'm making no money right now is causing so much guilt inside myself. The rare times that I am just sitting around never last long because I feel like I always have to go go go!

I think I've come up with my own solution, which may be to find a place or two where I can volunteer a couple of hours a week. That way I'm doing something productive that I can feel good about and could set my own schedule. We'll see though. I'm sure I'll figure it out. In the meantime, I will try my best to enjoy long morning workouts, occasional coffee dates, and spoiling hubs. I know - tough life right? But trust me, I'm my own worst enemy... enjoying this is harder than it may seem!