Old School - GIVEAWAY!

I was recently contacted by someone at Chick-Fil-A (I know right... Yes, I DO feel like I've made it in the blog world) to do a giveaway. They want to promote some of their new nutritious kid's meal. Heck, everyone knows Chick-Fil-A is like crack a little addicting, so they don't have to twist my arm!

Some healthier items that they've added to the list are the Grilled Nuggets (my mouth is water just typing that) and the Buddy Fruits brand squeezable applesauce. Add in some Low Fat Milk and you can feel pretty darn good about feeding your child on the go. Of course, you'll have to try extra hard to resist the fried goodness that is the #1 and go the grilled route as well to be a good example, but that's another story.

Chick-Fil-A also has a fun new app you can use to get some different ideas for games to play with the family.Just spin the wheel and play whatever little game you land on. Instant family fun. More appealing to me was the Old School Quiz. Brought me right back to my childhood and playing Kick the Can... until the street lights came on of course! LOL.. I'm still laughing at my results. Apparently, I am the bomb dot com (I may or may not say that exact phrase from time to time). It mentioned hearing the sound of the internet dialing up and Zack Morris - ahhhh I loved me some Zach!

It's all too much fun.

So hear's the deal -

I'm giving away THREE free kids' meals (!!!) and this is how you can win ( The first is necessary. Separate comments for each entry please):

1. Take the Old School Quiz above and leave a comment with your results. It's fun, I promise, and quick!
2. Become a follower or let me know that you are so already.
3. Follow me on Twitter (I'm new, I'm new! You can find my link on the sidebar) and tweet about the giveaway.

Simple as that! I'll announce my THREE winners Friday morning (the 6th). Have fun :)

*I was contacted by Chick-Fil-A to do this giveaway, but obviously we all love them and had I thought about it, would have donated a whole blog post to them anyways*

Military Life - The Positives

Let's pretend you knew someone that was getting ready to join the Military. While they would most likely be excited about it, you know it's also scary at the same time. Think about how you felt when your husband joined (if you were married beforehand) or when you first got involved with a soldier.

While it's natural to have some reservations, there are a lot of pretty awesome aspects of the Military, right? I know there are those out there who could spend a day complaining about everything. This post isn't for you to comment on if you feel that way. My goal is to encourage!

I'll start briefly.. or I'll try to be brief at least :)
- You are part of something bigger than yourself. Your spouse is a U.S. Soldier. He/She is in the 1% of the country who volunteered to protect their country. THAT is something to be proud of. And YOU, as a spouse, are a part of that as well.
- Patriotism. I can't hear the National Anthem without welling up in tears now.
- A man in uniform is HOT. Enough said.
- You see parts of the country you wouldn't have otherwise.
- You become a different - better - person. More independent and the relationship you have with your spouse strengthens times a million.
- You'll make some amazing friendships with people you would have never met. The bond is something you can't understand unless you're in this situation. It's incredible.

I think that's a good start.

So, chime in! What are some of your favorite things about being a part of the military? Even if you repeat some I've listed. I want to hear it....

What I'm loving at the moment

The first two will have to be a tie. I'm equally excited about both products, and I saved a good chunk of money on both.

1. A FoodSaver!!!

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This isn't the exact model that I have, but I'm sure they are both equally amazing. I've had my eye on one of these little ditties for a while now. I longingly gazed at it every time we ventured into Costco. But I sure wasn't paying over $100 for it.
Imagine my delight, when browsing through our local on-post thrift shop, when I came across one for $24... including like a million bags. Best $24 I've ever spent. Just for practice, I vacuumed and sealed some fresh parsley that I used once and would have otherwise wasted. Easy-Peasy. It's in the freezer sealed tight! I made a ton of dinner last night and now have 2 Andrew-and-I sized servings in the freezer... perfect for the weeks Trey won't be around! I sealed up some snack bags that were in the pantry.. ahhh.. the possibilities are endless. I can't wait to hit up Albertson's meat sales and stock up. I can even get crazy with it and marinate the meat before a freeze it :)

2. Finally. FINALLY. I waited and waited, but I've finally joined the rest of society and I HAVE A SMARTPHONE. (I'm not even sure yet if that is one or two words!) Costco was running a special on the Droid Bionic phone.

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I just now realized that I only saved about $10 on it by getting it at Costco. I thought it was much more than that.. but still. A deal's a deal right? Come on.. make me feel better. Regardless.. I'm in L-O-V-E. My friends will really have to forgive me for my texting consistency and spelling for the next month though! My mum, however, will probably be in heaven with the quality of Grandson pictures she'll get.. and videos. That's right, I can now receive videos on my phone. Heyyyy!

3. Packages from my in-laws. 

They are always pretty fun to open and you never quite know what you're going to get! It's always a hodge podge of stuff.. I love it. We got one this morning which contained:

Magazines for Trey

Clothes for Andrew to grow in to.. yessss

Easter candy.. thanks guys!! (if they are reading this, the "thanks" is sarcastic)

Popcorn.. thanks guys!! (that is NOT sarcastic)

A little car for Andrew. 

A Valentines Day card because apparently we have an unknown address and it was returned to sender. No wonder the postal service is dying. 

Lastly, but definitely not leastly, printouts of time shares in San Diego. We told them we want to go there sometime this year (it's a 10.5 hour drive.. think we can do it???) in passing and they printed out options for us to stay at! Which got me excited about our possible trip! Why not go while we're close enough, right? We've never been closer than where we are now. 

4. Taking time for myself. 

I'm making myself more of a priority, which as selfish as I can be at times, I have a really hard time doing. I take care of my boys before I even think about taking care of myself and it's a big downfall. Which explains why I've had a gift certificate for a day at the spa sitting in my drawer unused since... when.. January? Anyways.. After dinner on Monday night, I let Trey do bath and bedtime and left the house with only my Ipod in hand. Not to far from our house (within walking distance) there is a 3.2 mile walking track. I was gone for an hour and was able to completely shut out the world, jam to my tunes, and be alone with my thoughts.. a rare commodity! Not to mention, I need the exercise! I would be a much better wife and mother if I could do that for myself 3 times a week. So I shall!

Moving on

Things are going so much better around here! I'm starting to feel more like myself again. I'm definitely feeling tons less sorry for myself, still remembering what happened, but looking forward to and feeling more optimistic about the future, and smiling a lot more again. I guess it does just take time. While it was disappointing and heart-breaking to lose a baby, even as early on as we were, I'm accepting it. (Gosh, there really are clear stages of grief, aren't there??) And I'm accepting of whatever the future holds for us as well. If God blesses us with another child, that would be wonderful! If not (because having a miscarriage makes you think of the possibility that you're not meant to have another), than we'll be a blessed, happy family of three! We'll definitely try our best to add to our family though ;) *Sorry mom*

Thank you all for your kind comments. I know I did not respond to most, if any, of you, but they really did help me. I appreciate those of you who took the time to check in, encourage me, and those of you who maybe said a few prayers, even if I didn't know it. I definitely felt the prayers.

While I will never pretend to understand why God allows some things to happen to us, I could feel Him with me.. quite literally. I know he was lifting me up and very often thought of the Footprints in the Sand poem.

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He was definitely carrying me through the last few weeks and that was my main source of comfort. I do wish that I could understand His ways a little better, but don't we all? I remember my parents having this hanging in our house when I was growing up and reading it often. I remember loving it even from a young age.

Anyways, I just wanted to document this side of our grief. For our own good.. to look back on, to let those concerned know that things are good, and to maybe help those either going through this now or those that may in the future.

Just okay

I've been avoiding most conversation like the plague.. including blogging apparently.

I just don't really know what to say to people. I feel like I'm in this in between stage where I'm not devastated anymore, crying all day, but I'm also not my normal self yet/anymore either. People keep asking me how I'm doing and I don't know how to answer that. I don't want this to sound like I don't appreciate my friends checking in on me, because I very much do, but I don't know what to say other than, "Okay".

That's all I am.. just okay. I don't know what else to say about what happened or how I feel about it.. I've pretty much covered that and I feel like that's not what people want to hear.  But at the same time, it's all I think about. I don't know how to have normal conversations when all I can think about is our miscarriage or more specifically, what we had and now don't have. People are calling trying to have normal conversations because really, how much can one talk about this? I know mostly they are just wanting me to know that they are thinking of me, but don't want to bring this up, but I don't know how to talk about other things. My wit and sense of humor are gone for now and honestly, I'm having a hard time plugging in to others' lives.

I feel stuck in this blah existence where I have brief moments of laughter or optimism, but mostly am sad, scared of the future, mourning what could have been. Like life is just moving on around me and everyone is living normal lives (as they should) and I am stuck in time. In a time I don't want to be in.

But, I guess I'm okay just being okay right now. I don't want this to come across as me sounding bitter, because I'm not at all. This is just me being pretty honest. Sometimes I wish I was my normal self again, but really I just wish this never happened. But it did. It will always be with me and because of that, maybe I am changed. Or maybe I just need more time.

Dancing in the Rain

Maybe not quite dancing, but in the midst of the current storm that has been thrown our way, there have been people and circumstances that have made me smile. I've felt better today than I have in a little while, but tomorrow Trey has to go back to work. That makes me nervous and instead of focusing on my fears, I don't think it would hurt to focus on what's put those random smiles on my face over the past few days.

1. Andrew. Plain and simple. Everything about him. I've always thanked God for trusting us to raise such an awesome little man, but I have been even more so over the past few days. It's a big responsibility to put on an 18 month old, but he's been my saving grace. His random hugs and kisses when I need them most. His blooming (hilarious) personality. The way he now says, "uh oh" 100 times a day. His silly faces. Everything. I don't know what I'd do without him.

2. My husband. I know he's hurting just as much as I am, I'm sure. But he's done a damn good job of putting his feelings aside for a good chunk of this time to take care of me. To comfort and reassure me. To make me laugh. I'm blessed.

3. Love from friends. A hot meal, flowers, hugs, texts, kind words, emails, phone calls (even though I may not answer them or haven't returned them yet.. I'm sorry!) and even comments from you girls that I don't even really "know in real life". It's meant the world to me. Even if it may not seem like it's registered with me, I promise you it has. I may not respond to everyone of you right now, but it's been appreciated more than you know.

4. A new routine. We discovered a few weeks ago that Andrew LOVES Wheel of Fortune. I don't know why it didn't occur to me earlier that he'd love it. Pointing out letters is his favorite pastime. Followed closely by things that spin and clapping. Put it all together and what do you get?

So, every night at 6:30 we sit down as a family and watch. It's the only show out there that he will sit and watch in it's entirety. He loves pointing out the letters and can now say a lot of them when they pop up. He gets the most excitement out of Es, Os, Ns and Ms. Can't forget about Ts and Is. He watches so intently and has so much fun with it all. And boy do we clap clap clap. I have to say. I get really excited for 630 to roll around!

5. Lastly, I have to recognize the simple effect of the sun shining down. The weather has been gorgeous and I can't help but smile to think about all of the new life that comes along with the start of Spring. The Easter season. Hope that Jesus gave us all. And just the plain old vitamin D. It's good for the soul.


I knew I couldn't escape real life. I knew Trey would have to go back to work eventually, and honestly, I'm VERY lucky he's been home as long as he has. He was supposed to be out in the field and I'm so thankful he was able to stay home with me. I think it's just the quietness I'm afraid of. I don't want to be alone with my thoughts, but let's be real. Number one.. it needs to happen. Number two... it will only be anywhere near quiet during nap time. I'm sure a certain someone will keep me plenty occupied. The two of us will maybe dance a little tomorrow.

Plaguing Thoughts

I know I said I'm okay, and I am. But I go back and forth. Sometimes I feel good, even optimistic and accepting. Then a wave of grief rolls over me and knocks me down. It's crippling even.

Trey and I both realized tonight that this is going to be with us forever. No matter how short-lived it was, that will always be Baby 2. It hit him while he was bringing Andrew up for bed. He was wondering what #2 would have been like. Boy or girl? Look like Andrew or totally different? Be a little fire ball like him or more reserved.   Will we wonder years from now what he/she would have liked to study in school? What would #2 ended up doing with their life?

I was thinking more short term. Just the rest of this year. I have to call and cancel the appointment I had for the first Ultra Sound. When that date rolls around, how hard will that be for me? When June comes around will I be thinking about the fact that we'd be finding out the babies sex? We'd be finding out whether we'd be giving Andrew a baby brother or sister. Then the due date. Will I remember or will the date pass without me giving it a thought? If I do remember, will it hurt as much as it does at this minute or will it just be a passing thought?

I think I was in denial this morning. After a weekend of having a bit of false hope, I was honestly just relieved to finally know for sure. It was a relief to stop playing mind games with myself. But for some reason, I also thought  I was just going to move on. I'd be able to sip a cup of caffeinated coffee, maybe have a glass of wine this weekend, try again as soon as possible and life would just go back to normal.
And while that caffeine was great, I probably will have more than one glass over the weekend (even though it's probably not the smartest idea as I don't need anything else to ease the flow of emotions), and yes, we want to get pregnant again ASAP (the amount of anxiety I get thinking about if this happens again is for a post in and of itself), this has changed our lives forever I think. I know it will get easier... time will heal. But I also know that we'll carry this with us forever.
That seems like such a common sense thought, I'm sure. But it just occurred to us. And that's hard.

Loss

If you've been reading this little blog for the last few months, you know that I've had a case of baby fever. We knew we wanted another little one, but thought it would be best to wait until early summer to start trying. We quickly realized we couldn't wait. We were ready to grow our little family.

We got pregnant last month, and sadly, lost the baby this weekend.

I had a few symptoms that scared me and decided to go ahead into the ER Saturday morning. After 5 long hours, I was told that I had a "Threatened Miscarriage". Basically, when it's still too early on to do an US, the doctors can only go off of what your hormone level is, and it needs to be tested more than once. They need to know if it's going up or down. On Saturday, my hcg level was at a 16.5. I also had some bleeding around the cervix, but they couldn't be sure of anything at the moment. I was told to go home, rest as much as possible, and go back to the OB clinic 48 hours later to recheck the levels.

I was a mess. I didn't want to let go of all hope, but numbers don't lie, right? I spent the majority of the night and the next day in a pool of tears, because I knew what was happening. I knew what my body was doing.

It was confirmed this morning at OB sick call. My hormone levels were down to a 6 (which isn't even considered pregnant, btw) and while there is still bleeding, my cervix is now closed. Which means I've already lost the baby.

I know it was early (I was between 5 and 6 weeks), but it's a loss nonetheless. We were so excited. We knew when the baby would be due and the timing was perfect.. or so we thought. Trey will be deploying and we wanted to have the baby before he left. That won't be possible now, but throughout all of this we do still have faith that God's plan is at work here.

It's incredibly disappointing and my heart is completely shattered at the moment, but I do know that time will heal. I also know that God is lifting us up through this. We'll try again when it's best to do so and while I want to have faith that everything will work out, I'll be honest and say that I'm scared.

I'm blessed with one beautiful boy, who we're insanely lucky to have, but I don't feel at all that our family is complete. I want more. And it scares me to think that this could happen again. But one step at a time. Right now we'll enjoy our family of three and take some time to mourn what could have been.

Happy Happy Birthday To Me!

This is a birthday to go down in the books!

As tacky as this is going to sound, I am just filled with love right now. Even though my husband wasn't/isn't here to celebrate with me, he was able to call. And hearing how much he loves me in his voice and knowing how much he wants to be here.. kind of makes up for his actual lack of presence.

And my friends and family.. all I can say is that I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

My day started at 5:45am. Andrew was a little anxious to wish me a happy birthday and wanted to get the party started. So that's what we did! We had milk, ate breakfast (I made myself my favorite.. at the moment.. breakfast, Egg in a Hole) and played the morning away.

Then we met a group of my girlfriends for cupcakes at a new cupcake shop around here called, Dirty Mouth Cupcakes. Heaven. Plain and simple. The cupcakes are to die for and the owner is wonderful! Sweet, accommodating, and a great sense of humor.
I ordered two. A Red Velvet with Cream Cheese Buttercream frosting and the Celebration cupcake (it was my birthday afterall) which is Classic Vanilla Cake filled with Vanilla Buttercream topped with Vanilla Buttercream rimmed with confetti. I got two because:
1. I couldn't decide.
2. I knew I'd have to share with a certain someone.



The pics don't really do him justice. He was a mess.

 3. It's my birthday and I can.

It was such a fun morning filled with some pretty awesome girls (and silly kids).

I'm not really sure why these are all coming out so distorted!!



After cupcakes, me and two of the girls (and our children) went out for Mexican food. I know, I know. Lots of food, but it doesn't end there so bare with me. I never, ever turn down Taco Cabana! That went well. Great company of course, but I was a little worried about Andrew. We don't take him out to eat much anymore, but he did really well! Luckily, there were balloons, a guy singing, and pretty girls to look at!

He was READY for a nap when we got home. Put him down, came downstairs, and had a phone call about a delivery that was trying to find it's way to my house! I get real excited over deliveries! Love me some surprises. I thought for sure it was going to be from either my Husband or my Dad, but it wasn't! (and that's ok!)

My in-laws had these beautiful flowers sent to me! Daisies are my favorite, and you can never go wrong with yellow. I just thought that was the sweetest thing for them to think of me like that. And look at how cute that vase is! Definitely one of the highlights of my day :)

Later that night, my friend Ashley made dinner for me. She offered a few weeks back when she found out Trey wouldn't be home. She probably thought it was a simple little gesture. She most likely did NOT expect me to tear up at the thought! My mom ALWAYS, ever since I can remember, has made us our favorite dinners on our birthdays. Whatever we wanted.. she would make it for us. Even if it came along with a sigh and an eye-roll ;)
So when Ashley offered to do that for me, it really touched me. Gave me a little piece of home. Andrew and I went over tonight and ate her delicious Chicken Parm, Salad, and a Strawberry Shortcake type dessert. All so so very good! Sadly, I left my memory card at home so I wasn't able to take any pictures!

My night ended with a surprise phone call from Trey and a Skype session with my family!

Add in the 3.5 times I was serenaded with the Happy Birthday song from my niece, Addyson (so so sweet!), my friend Charla, my in-laws, and a line from my Dad, plus birthday cards in the mail, text messages galore, gifts from friends, and the time they all made for me in their own little ways?
Who needs Facebook for birthday love? Not this girl!

P.S.
Before Trey left he got me a Shark Mop (yes, I wanted an appliance for my birthday before anyone goes jumping down his throat) and a new Cricut Cartridge. I only mention this to express my love for the Shark. Who new mopping floors could be so satisfying???

Cuddles

I'm not sure what got into Andrew last week, but it was a tough few days around here (a different tough than all of the sickness, which is finally clearing up btw). The only thing I know to blame it on is teething. He was super whiny. Waking up before 5:30 every. single. morning. That alone is enough to make me want to commit myself. Needing to be around me constantly. Crying at every little thing.

YUCK.

Along with all that yuck though, my child turned into the cuddler I never had.

Random hugs throughout the day. Without exaggerating, around 20 unprompted hugs from my boy every day. Tackling me if I was on the floor to rest his head on my tummy or chest.

Best of all though? Was this...

He would nap for only about an hour every day. He'd wake up screaming like there was a murderer in his room, only to rest his head on my shoulder when I went to pick him up. So just about every day, we napped on the couch together after the real nap.

He hasn't slept in my arms since he was 3 months old! He was just never really into it.

While I'm now enjoying sleeping in later in the mornings.. and by that I mean between 6 and 6:15... and 2-3 hour naps, I do miss these cuddles! I have to say, there is just nothing quite like it!

P.S.
Tomorrow is my birthday... feel free to leave me some love. :) No shame here. It's a week-long celebration, so don't feel bad if you're late.

A New Friend

Andrew has a new friend and he's made for some fun times around here for the past few days.

They've played together quite often lately. He comes around and Andrew's face just lights up. His eyes pop, his mouth forms the surprised O, and his friend distracts him from whatever he's doing at the moment.

Mostly they play chase. Andrew chases him around, but has yet to catch him. He has a fast friend. It doesn't seem to matter to him though. He just giggles and giggles.

They are the best of friends.

His new friend....

...

IS A FLY.


We were outside a lot on Monday. The back door has been known to mysteriously lock on me while I'm on the wrong end of it, so I keep it open often if we're in the backyard. Well, this fly made itself in and has been annoying the living daylights out of me ever since.

I've tried to teach Andrew the phrase, "shoo fly", but to no avail. They are BFF's.

I better kill it off soon before he gets too attached.