Busy Busy Busy

Whewwwwww...

We've been home since Thursday night, but it's been non-stop, go go go! In fact, we have to go go go again in about 20 minutes so this is just a quick little update to let you guys know I'm still alive and we're doing really well.

1. graduation went really well. Except for the fact that during the whole ceremony people were creeping politely on their knees to take pictures of their graduate except for when it was time for Trey to go up. Then they decided to not so politely stand in my way so I got a crap picture. More pictures to come later.
2. It took about a day and 1/2 to get readjusted to living with each other again. It was hard for him coming into a mostly packed house. Even harder to learn that you can no longer leave your shit laying around at any time. You never know when someone might want to come and take a gander at the house!
3. But it's good now and i'm loving every.single.second we have together.
4. We got family pictures taken with his family yesterday and i'm prettttty sure they will end up coming out amazingly and i'll have a really hard time picking out just a few.
5. My grandmother finally passed away yesterday. Last night around 7:30 actually. We knew it was coming. She's been suffering really badly all week and she was down to 7 breaths a minute yesterday. I had a hard time with it last night, but I really know that she's much much better off. I can just imagine her running around with my grandfather not even losing a breath. Actually I can't imagine them frolicking around together. More like playing poker or rummy with one of her "damn ice coffees" in hand.
6. Trey is about to kill me with these damn Army workouts. Thank God that tomorrow is a day of rest. Literally, I'm thanking Him. My legs can barely hold themselves up and are in a constant state of wobble, my abs hurt so much I can barely breath in and out.
7. Tonight we're going to hang out with a couple of our good friends. I've seen them countless times since Trey's left but I'm excited for him to see everyone again. These are the two guys that Trey's been close with since 9th grade. *and their beautiful wives*
8. Tomorrow we're going to church in the morning. Again, I've gone here and there since he's been again, but I'm AGAIN, so excited for him to see everyone.

That is all for now. Preparing to go back into work on Monday and am dreading it will enjoy every day since it's my last week.
Here's to hoping the rest of the week crawls by at a snails pace!

Cinderella?

I had a GREAT time last night! First of all... loved my dress. I didn't want to take it off at the end of the night. *Side note* I put way too much thought into that dress. Seriously, not being ugly (well I kinda am I guess), but I really could have put NO effort or thought into it and would have been better off than some of those girls. All I'll say is this... do we really think that wearing a dress with a very revealing strappy back showing off your tramp stamp in all it's glory is appropriate? I think not. I have nothing against tats what-so-ever, but coommeee on... can we cover the massive ones for a formal??? Ecchhhh...

I sort of felt bad for hubs. Okay, I felt really bad for him. Remember, this isn't the company he started out with. This isn't the group of people he depended on and formed bonds with for 11 weeks. He's had about a week and 1/2 to "get to know" this company. So it was pretty awkward for him sitting around the dinner table while they were all telling "war stories" and Trey had nothing to do with any of it. He missed his guys. But alas, we had a good time anyways, and soon we'll be reunited with them in OK. Here are some pics:

500 bobby pins and 2 cans of hairspray later....

I'm pretty confident that I have the hottest husband on the planet... sorry girls ;)

Later Added:

I forgot to write about the one thing I made a mental note to blog about last night. *Yes, I think about this lil blog at any significant moment during the day*

One thing I realized last night is what I'm loving about being part of this huge Army Family. I love feeling like I'm part of something that is much much bigger than myself. I love the little moments like when the color guard is presenting the colors. It was such a surreal moment to me that hundreds of people in one room got absolutely silent, seeing my husband in his uniform go completely stiff (well all the soldiers really.. ), and watching those men bring in the flags while being ordered to march this way, that way, stop.. blah blah.. I don't know.. I loved it.

The toasts, and this is when it all really hit me, were also one of my favorite parts. There were toasts to America, to the Army, to the Commander, to OCS, and then finally to all of the fallen soldiers. It was all I could do not to break down right there. They had an empty table set up just to represent all of the fallen soldiers. The empty chairs to represent where they could no longer sit. The plates to represent the food they could no longer eat. The wine glasses tilted because they can no longer drink out of them. Salt to represent all of the tears shed. Then we all did a silent toast to them with water instead of the champagne. It was incredibly moving.

Safe & Sound

Thank God that was the last time I'll ever have to drive that trip down here. It's really not so so bad.. I don't mind the actual trip ~ 5 straight hours of jamming out to some tunes ~ yes please! I really just can't take sitting still for that long. Anywho... i'm here now and the room is nice! No complaints here.
So now I wait for hubs to be released. Think i'll go venture out to keep myself occupied. I've already scoped out the mall down the street which has a couple hair salons in it apparently... someone needs to do that for me tomorrow. I'm all thumbs when it comes to styling my hair. *no smart comments from the people that see me everyday please ;)*

Hope everyone had a great Monday... well as good as a Monday can be at least!

Enough of That!

I've been so focused on the negative lately and have been so down in the dumps that I'm sick of myself! If I have any readers left it'll be a miracle! Unfortunately for all of you, I find it much easier to write about than to show feelings "IRL" so you get the brunt of it all. Healthy? Maybe not so much but it is what it is...
Buuttt I really can't take myself anymore so I'm choosing to pick my self up by the britches and make some changes. The bad things in life are going to happen... all I can do is try to roll with it, focus on the things I have to be thankful for, and learn from any mistakes. Positive thoughts for the day:

• Did I chose to give my sweet, adorable dog away, when in the long run she may have been a really good thing for me? Yes. But you know what? She's in such a good home with lots of love and companionship that I just know she has to be happier. I can't worry about what other people think about that decision either. I know I did the right thing for me and Daisy.
• My grandmother (as we all know by now) is on her last strings, but she's had quite the long and fulfilling one. I'm pretty sure she's excited to go and be with her husband again. I have so so so many good memories of that woman. I know I'll see her again.
• Our house hasn't sold *or rented* yet and because of a couple different emergencies, we have no emergency fund left. I'm almost through with my job which means we'll be down to one paycheck and double the housing expenses. I don't know how we are going to get by, but WE'LL get by together some how. I'm going to be living with my husband again and if we have to eat Raman Noodles every day so be it. I'm pretty fond of them anyway. They have lots of different flavors so we won't get sick of them. Maybe one night a week we can splurge on Kraft Mac & Cheese. Which is my fav. Speaking of my husband...
• He passed his PT test. He's graduating this Thursday!!!
• I'm leaving tomorrow morning for a couple days of graduation festivities.
• And he's coming home with me right after graduation. For two weeks.
• Then we're moving away. Together.
• I went to church this morning and it was the best feeling ever. Even better of a feeling? When hubs told me he wants to make it a priority to find a good church in OK and go every week. That needs to become more of a priority in our lives.
• I had a great day today with my in-laws. Church with them, lunch afterwards, and painting nails with my MIL afterwards = pretty dern good day.

That's all for now.

I'm taking my laptop with me tomorrow since he'll still be "working" during the day. I plan on laying out by the pool for the majority of the day. I'll be sure to update throughout the week... especially after the ball on Tuesday!

Thanks for sticking with me throughout my "poor me" stage. All your thoughts, prayers, and kind words made me smile throughout it all :)

Serenity Now

One of the issues that has been weighing on me a lot lately is my grandmother. It has been an up and down roller coaster for the past couple of weeks. One day she's doing fine ~ the next she's going to the hospital and asking for the priest ~ then she's doing more than fine and it was just the drugs that were making her feel like she was dying ~ now my mom is in route to the airport. She's flying up there to see her.... things don't look good. She's back at the hospital, trouble breathing, lungs filling up again. She signed a DNR yesterday. I can't say I blame her.

I know I've already mentioned this, but one thing that has really comforted me throughout this process is faith. I know my gma has a ton of it, and I have enough to make me believe she's going to be perfect again standing in front of Jesus the second she does pass.
Right before my cousin Kate came down here last week to move into the dorms, gma gave her a stone I guess you can call it. It's clear and has an angel in it. She taught her the Serenity prayer and told her that it's always helped her to hold on to the stone for a bit, while saying that prayer. Knowing how much of a hard time I've been going through, Kate then turned around and gave that to me last week. I know... it meant the world to me. I've used it quite often over the past week and I have to say, I really do think that it helps. This will be something I treasure for the rest of my life, thinking of gma and kate every time I hold onto it.

Here is the prayer in case you have never heard of it. I love it.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can:
and wisdom to know the difference.

Perfect Timing

I got tagged with an award today and it could not have come at a better time.

Honestly, I have just been in a bad place. I have so much going on inside my head right now. I've been neglecting this little blog of mine because I feel like I can't make any sense of all the jumbled thoughts that have been completely consuming me. So really, it's just been easier not to write at all then to tackle that mess!

So when I was pretty excited when I was tagged with this today from Meg over at Adapting to Change. Perfect because I needed something to pretty much tell me what to write! Plus, I love a little Q&A about myself *and love seeing other people's responses*

1. Who is the hottest Movie Star? I love me some Jake Gyllenhaal. Yum. 'Nuf said. And because I'm not afraid to embrace my girl crushin tendencies I'm going with Kate Hudson as well.
2. Apart from your house and car, what is the most expensive item you have ever bought: I'm really a big cheap ass so this is a hard question. I don't remember how much our living room furniture was, but I'm sure that was it.
3. What is your most treasured memory? wow... most treasured memory ever? Hard question again... Let's go with huge family vacations at Garden City for the first couple of years we moved down here. My wedding weekend/ honeymoon. I remember looking around the night before I got married at all of my family and friends who had all come together just for Trey and I *and a slammin party* and it just took my breath away. The RV parked in my driveway is what really put me over the edge though. Sitting with my grandmother while she rubbed my back a couple weeks ago would be my most recent one. Seems simple, but she just doesn't do that kind of affectionate stuff. Ever.
4. What was the best gift you ever received as a child: Grrrr.. I thought this was going to be easy and thoughtless. Another tuffy. I loved the bike my Aunt Kathy got me one year for my birthday I think. We'll go with that one.
5. What is the biggest mistake you have ever made? ha! we don't have all night do we? Sometimes I feel like I'm a walking mistake, but these quotes pretty much sum up how I feel about that (stolen from my FB page):
"I myself am made entirely of flaws, stitched together with good intentions"~Augusten Burroughs
"... i am the author of my life ...unfortunately im writing in pen and can`t erase my mistakes "
I try...
6. 4 words to describe yourself: optimistic (although you can't tell that lately), passionate, sarcastic, fickle
7. What was your highlight or low light of 2008? I don't even remember last week!
8. Favorite Film? can't pick just one. Love Actually. Cold Mountain. Crash. Christmas Vacation.
9. Tell me one thing I don’t know about you. I have a deep love for rap music. I'm secretly pretty gangster
10. If you were a comic book/strip or cartoon character, who would you be? eechhh.. I don't know!

Here's my 4 lucky picks to pass this on to:
Teresa at Across the Ocean
Jessica at Home is Where the Army Sends Us
Shannon at Mr. and Mrs. In Training
Heather at ...And Now I'm a Grownup

Hardest Decision EVER

Ugghhhh... I have been a crying fool for the past 3 days. I have prayed and prayed about this decision and the answer to that prayer literally came knocking on my door tonight.

My neighbors have been taking care of Daisy while I'm at work. The mom and daughter, Catherine. Catherine is about 13. The mom was at my door and came in for a bit. she wanted to be sure that I was really okay with the fact that they sometimes brought Dais over they're house to play with their dog Roscoe. I told her it was more than okay and it in fact made me feel much better about leaving in the morning. She proceeded to tell me how ever since their small dog, Scout, passed away Roscoe has been so depressed. Every since Daisy has been coming around it's just lifted Roscoe's spirits up. I guess he is really gentle with her and they are great together. Scout was her son's dog so she also told her that having Daisy around has made her mind up that she wants to buy her son another small dog. At this point the tears starting flowing from my eyes.

You see, I've been struggling for the past three days over whether or not I made the right decision with getting Daisy. I truly love her with my entire heart and this is extremely heart breaking for me, but I really don't think my timing was very good. The days of my paychecks coming in are dwindling. Our house still hasn't sold. When we move, we are going to be good to feed ourselves. I've had one emergency after the other which has dwindled our emergency fund to almost zilch. I'm so stressed out over that. Little dog expenses add up. Between the vet visits and constant grooming, and paying for a house we won't be living in, I was really starting to worry. I also received news today that my grandmother took another turn for the worse. She's back in the hospital and called the Priest in to be with her today. That got me thinking about the costs of flying places and boarding her to do so. And to be honest, I didn't realize how much time she would take up, so there are some selfish reasons in there as well that I was doubting this. I'm seriously late on paying a couple bills because I don't know how to half ass anything. I feel so bad for leaving her all day, that by the time I get home I feel like she has to have 100% of my attention all night long.

So I've cried and cried and prayed and prayed and the answer to that prayer came to me I believe. It's going to be the hardest thing I've every had to do, but I've decided to hand her over to my neighbor. They love her so so much. They have the experience to raise her and train her right. There will be people home with her all day. As much as I will be in despair for who knows how long missing her, I know she will be going to a great home. Can't ask for much more than that. My head knows that, but my heart is pitching a fit right now!

Back Again

Another weekend flown by and done with. This one was all too great, but went by waayyy too fast. I've about had it with this whole visiting thing with my husband. I'd really love to live together again. I know I'm lucky in the fact that I get to see him about once a month and he is coming home soon. I know that we'll be living together again shortly, but for some reason, that just didn't help with this goodbye. I cried more than I ever have and my heart still hurts. :(

The fact that I'll see him again in about 2 weeks is doing nothing for me. I think I am really just so overwhelmed (you know... hoping against hope and praying my heart out that we can get rid of this house, my grandmother, training a new person at work, attempting but failing greatly at training a puppy... blah blah blah) that I just can't deal with being without him right now. Just to have a big bear hug when I need it or have him here to talk to whenever, or help train this puppy!!!

They were adorable together over the weekend. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves. All I can say is... she without a doubt has him wrapped and God help me if we ever have a *real* daughter...

yes they really slept like that....

Our first family portrait

Don't let these sweet pictures fool you. She is officially a hellion and have entertained the thought of bringing her right back where she came from. Just kidding. Kind of. Please tell me it's going to get better. Please tell me I'll stop saying "NO" 1500 times a day. That I'll be able to watch a TV show and not have her get into something every 2 seconds. Any advice is more than welcome!

You Know It's Love When...

...you miss your favorite show ~ not just any show ~ the season finale ~ because you'd rather just hang with your pup. I'm sick. I really need to get a grip. I miss that little love bug so much during the day that when I come home, I can't get enough. I've even bee skipping meals and it's interfering with me life a little. Here's how today went:
-woke up from a full nights sleep AGAIN without any whimpering/crying/ whatever
-cleaned poopy off the floor AGAIN
-drove away to work with a broken heart because I could hear the crying as I locked the door :(
-got to work at 8:30, left at 11 to pick her up for the vet (vet visit went great. everyone was in love with her at first sight per usual. she weighs 1.7 POUNDS. ha!! Doc wants her to weigh an even 2lbs when I bring her back next Friday. She's healthy as can be aside from some itching that we're trying to work out. I did come very close to tears when they ripped her out of my arms took her away to get a fecal test done.)
-didn't get back to work until 1:30
-spent too much money at the pet store after work
-rushed home from said pet store to give her some massive lovins
-gave her her first bath (from me) a little later and called a co-worker damn near in tears because I thought I killed her. She was shaking and crying so badly that I thought I put her into shock. I wrapped her up tight in her comfort blankie though and canoodled her for about a 1/2 hour. She finally fell asleep. Didn't stop shaking until she went into that deep sleep.
-and here is my current FB status:
Dais was just sound asleep... curled up in the crook of my arm (some may call it canoodling). She woke up and for the first time EVER walked away to sleep somewhere away from me. Is it so wrong that I'd like her to stay a dependent pup forever? It really made me a little sad...
I never did get around to eating dinner, but I did watch the latest Real World episode. Hey... we all have our priorities. Some of us just need to get them in check.

No work for me tomorrow. We're going to Georgia and Dais is super excited to meet her daddy!!!! Just a short trip from Friday to Sunday. I may or may not come home.. I'm just sayin. Too bad i'm waaayyyy to responsible for that!

Busy Beeeeee

I have NO spare time. Puppies apparently keep you pretty busy! Or it may just be that I'm kind of an over protective mom that won't take her eyes off of her child? Hopefully I'll get over this?

My trip was verry nice. Drama at the airport on the way up. OF COURSE. There's always a story with me and my adventures. Just as we made it through security, they shut the whole airport down. Long story short... someone left their bag unattended which caused the bomb squad, police, and FBI to come out. My brother missed his flight and my mother almost cried because he had to go buy a ticket by himself and consequently go through security again and make it to Boston by himself. He'll be 20 next month and made it through basic training. No crying allowed.

The day after I got there (Friday) I went to see my grandmother. NOT a good day for her. They gave her a biopsy even though she didn't want one without putting her down for it. *bastards* She was in a ton of pain. Tylenol 3 was no longer working so they gave her a Vicoden while we were there. Needless to say we didn't stay long after that.

We then proceeded to go to the VFW (a daily hangout) followed closely by a little place called Joy Asia that night. What is Joy Asia you ask? Just what it sounds like. A Chinese restaurant that has karaoke. Oh yeah. I sang my heart out. Absolute Mai Tais +cowboy hats and boas = a very fun but slightly embarrassing Jessica. Okay okay.. a blow up shark may have been someone in that equation. Not so much fun the next morning.

Saturday I nursed a horrible hangover that made me swear off drinking for at least a month. Saw my grandmother again. This time it was pretty hard for me because I knew it was the last time I'd see her for the weekend. I sat in bed with her and she rubbed my back for awhile. That time with her, saying not much at all, was a pretty big deal to me. I'll cherish that. She was doing much better in the pain dept that day.

We then made our way over for a big party at my aunt Carol's house... it was to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. Look at this crew...Can you find me???? Man I LOVE those crazy people!

Now for the good stufff.... i'm in serious love with my pup. She's perfect. Not to jinx myself but she's been sleeping through the whole night. What more can you ask for? Oh.. not to poo-poo on the kitchen floor? That would be lovely. She loves loves loves to cuddle which is great. So do I. She's a complete spaz but it wears her out pretty quickly. She knows no fear. She's made a few dogs already and I'm pretty sure she thinks she's a Rottweiler. Here is what she REALLY is thoughOur first cuddle time. That's us on the way home from the breeder. Immediate Love.

We made a stop at my in-laws. My MIL has a very life like little brown pup. More proof she's a cuddler.

And here's a video. She like this little piece of cardboard more than any toy I bought her:

Trey's already smitten and he hasn't even met her. He regularly refers to her as his princess and has toys waiting for her from the PX. They're meeting for the first time Friday!! She's very excited to give her daddy a big kiss!!
*sorry for the big time slacking in commenting. Honestly, it probably won't get any better until next week though. I'm still reading faithfully.. i just need about 2 more hours added to the day!*

Ms. Daisy

Honestly ~ I've had *zero* time for blogging. I'm so far behind on reading every one's blogs that it's shameful. And I'm going through serious withdrawals. I'll catch up soon I promise!

I had a wonderful time on my trip.... will give more deats later. But I just had to get on her and show you lil miss Daisy Dukes Norton:

How much do you love that presh little face???? My heart just may explode actually. She's sleeping peacefully in her crate right now. I have slight hopes that that will continue through the night.

P.S. My AC is replaced with a ridiculously new expensive unit fixed.