The Adjustable Weights

Can I just tell you how excited I am about something??

Tomorrow, myself and a couple girlies from work (and two skinny guys who felt bad for us), are starting a competition with different offices around here. Our very own Biggest Loser competition!! We had to pick a team name, and being a mortgage company, duh, what else makes sence... The Adjustable Weights!! (Big shot out to Mum) It's all on an honor system, meaning we don't actually have to weigh in together, just have a *hopeful* loss reported in every Thursday. The winning team will be announced June 3rd. I'm pumped. I've lost about 9ish lbs since Trey left but I definitely needed the extra motivation to lose a good 15 more! Plus we had to donate money to St. Lawrence Place in order to participate (helps out the homeless, something I have a pretty soft heart about). And whoever wins gets a $500 gift card to Blue Marlin :) We already got a 5 day pass to New Life Fitness, we'll get weekly motivational emails, but someone will also be going by offices to drop off little goodies in order to sabotage us! Good thing I'm at the front desk and will immediately throw it away!

I'm very excited and extremely confident that us girls are going to kick some major ass. We'll be the finest ladies in the mortgage business ;)

Now you won't be able to shut me up

I thought of a couple more points I wanted to touch on...

*The comments you girls leave brighten my day more than you will ever know! The day-to-day ones I love, but especially when I'm going through a hard time, yall never fail to put a smile on my face. Thank you so much!

*I talked to Trey for over an hour today!!! It was amazing. He told me during our last convo that he's able to have his cell there, but for the past couple of weeks his platoon had been getting their phone priviledges taken away. I mailed him his cell and charger and was very pleased (okay, ecstatic) to see that he got it in time. I got a text from him out of nowhere asking me what I was doing. I almost choked I was so surprised. He called before I could even respond. We talked about everything under the sun... man that was so refreshing. And very reassuring. I was beginning to worry that we wouldn't know how to talk to eachother anymore. It was nice to hear our laughter together :)

*I'm getting sick. Which really pisses me off actually. I hate being sick. Especially on days like today. it's been raining cats and dogs for the last 4 or 5 days straight. Today was the first beautiful day in a while, but I couldn't enjoy it. My throat is sore, ears hurt, and I'm exhuasted. I don't handle being sick very well... turn into a huge baby. But I am loading up on Alka Selzer and Nyquil and will try and stay positive.

*I'M GETTING A CAT!!!! A little kitty actually. I'm been thinking about it during the past week and finally got myself all pumped up for it. The only thing holding me back was the fact that Trey kind of hates cats. But I asked him in the sweetest voice possible if it was ok today and he said yes!! There were a lot of conditions attached to that "yes", like as long as it doesn't stink up the house (which of course I don't want either so any advice from you cat owners out there would be wonderful) and it doesn't claw up all of our furniture. Can't promise that I'm guessing so I'm just going to go for it and hope for the best. There are way too many stray cats in our hood though, so I'm keeping him locked up. Now we have to think of a name!! I can't wait!!

Getting back in the swing of things

This is so intimidating. I haven't came on in so long it feels like. At first I didn't because I just had nothing new or positive to blog about. Then it just got more and more overwhelming.. where do you even start? *Confession* I even thought about getting rid of this altogether, but I never could quite bring myself to do that. I knew I'd regret it anyways and I'm way to involved in some of your lives at this point. In a totally non-creepy way.
I've had a good couple of weeks. Came up from that pathetic slump of depression I was in and feel like I'm getting used to things. I'm sure that was the first of many more meltdowns to come, but for now all is good :)
I'm defininately becoming more independent. I feel myself becoming less of a scardy cat (you know.. not so much scared of the dark, or doing things on my own, or killing bugs, or sleeping alone at night). I haven't cried in a long time (or what feels like a long time) and I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I mean I made it through the first whole month which I never thought would end! Graduation is starting to feel like it is right around the corner (even though he leaves for 12 more weeks after that.. we won't go there yet)

I've been such a debbie downer lately, I thought I'd make a list of everything that makes me happy:
the fact that my mother has facebook now
lunch with my brother yesterday, just him and I
Macaroni and Cheese
Loosing Weight
Steeplechase last weekend (even though I cooked myself pretty badly) with my SIL
seeing my relationship with my SIL strengthen to more than it's ever been
my work friends that make me laugh and smile
friends that are up for those serious, full-blown sobbing chats at whatever time of day.. or night
getting a good run in at the gym and the feeling I have after that
my favorite tv shows
letters from Trey

On seperate notes, here are a few things I'm looking forward to:
Dinner date with an old friend and catching up
Hilton Head next weekend
Easter with my fam the next weekend
middle of the week "little black dress party" for my SIL's bday
Walking for Project Pet that weekend
My cousin hopefully coming to visit from Mass the next weekend
And then 2 more weekends from that seeing my amazing husband for Family Day on the 7th and graduation on the 8th.

Which leads me to my next thought. What am I going to wear to both of those days???? Any thoughts? I'd like to get one of those "my husband rocks" tank tops to wear for family day. and then maybe a sundress for graduation.. we'll see.

Still here...

My mum brought it to my attention yesterday that I haven't posted in a while (a couple days). She called to make sure I was alive.
I'm alive.. just in the biggest funk I've probably ever been in in my life. I haven't gotten on here, because I didn't want to talk about it and I knew I'd have nothing positive to say. I don't want to say I'm fully depressed bc I hate that word and also I don't feel like I've gotten there "officially", but it's been pretty bad.
I really don't think that I have faced this until now. I mean, clearly I know he's been gone.. and I know where he's been... but I think I've just been going through the motions and not really piecing everything together until now. I think I'm just NOW realizing that he's gone for another couple of months, just now realizing what it means that he is gone. That this is the life we're going to be living. What if I never find that I'm strong enough? I JUST NOW realized the implications of this.. that i'm going to be leaving my friends and family. I'm having this hard of a time with it now being surrounded by people.. how am I going to do it around strangers? Having maybe a weee bit too much to drink Thursday night may have had something to do with me waking up.. I know it brought me crashing down. All of a sudden I'm finding it hard to eat, I cannot stand to be in my house so I'll do anything to get out, and my heart just constantly feels like it's broken. And it doesn't help that I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks now. It somewhat feels like he's a ghost and I hate that. I know that's illogical though and I keep reading his letters over and over.
I WON'T let this get the best of me. I'm just venting. Somehow I will pick myself up by my bootstraps and keep on trucking through. He's way way way too important to me for me to just give up. That's not an option. So my only option is to one way or another check out of this pity party and learn how to be okay on my own.

My Birthday Weekend

Whew.. it was busy weekend! This would be 600 pages long if I went into detail about every single poing so I'll try and sum it up:

• Had pizza for dinner at my parents house on Friday. I was pretty persistant on pizza from one certain restaurant, even after warnings from my dad that it wasn't how it used to be. I should have listened.
• My mum is coming over one day soon and for my bday present, we are going to cook a few meals and seperate them into little single servings. She's so thoughtful!!
• Woke up to beau-ti-ful weather on Saturday. Opened all the windows and did a little spring cleaning.
• Had margaritas and pedi's with my SIL. While rushing home from shopping (trying to make it before other people go there), we got lost.. like really lost.. ended up on a dirt road.. damn Garmin!
• Had a really really good time with SIL. We haven't had that in a while and I missed her.
• A couple more girls came over for dinner, brownie sundaes, and movies. We're getting old. We didn't drink very much at all and fell asleep before the 2nd movie was over.
• Best part of my day... TREY SENT FLOWERS!!! He must have arranged it before he left... how sweet is that. I cried very happy tears for 2 straight minutes.. they've been keeping a smile on my face ever since!
• In-laws took me to The Melting Pot Sunday. A must do for anyone. Too much food, but I have never tasted anything like the dessert.. white chocolate ameretto fondue.. yes please!
• They are so sweet and got me an Ipod and a case for it! I've been miserable ever since my other one disappeared. Now to remember the 500 songs that were on it and get them on my new one!!
• I fully expected to get a phone call from hubs at some point during the weekend.. but alas.. not a one came through! I may have cried over that for just a short little moment as well. I'm thinking he can't make too many calls yet though... ahhh well!
• I really really really missed him last night. After being surrounded by people all weekend, it was really hard to be alone after everything was done.

And it was back to the grind today! Went by very fast and even got in a walk/run after work... couldn't resist in this beautiful weather :)

Very Exciting Giveaway!

If you think your husband is the cats meow ~ you should probably head on over to
Wandering DC's blog and sign up for this giveaway. I'm really dying to win this one!! She's giving it away on the 10th, so head on over there before then :)

On other notes:

• I am ashamed.. work got the best of me today and almost brought me to tears. Almost.. but I didn't let it. Just got a little overwhelmed. It was sad to come home from a hard day and not have hubs to wrap me in one of his big bear hugs. MMMMmmm.. those hugs are going to be amazing when he gets done.. all those muscles...
• I stayed late, so I did not get to the hospital to see Baby Em. Have a very busy weekend so I probably won't get over to their house to see her.
• Hubs got to call his parents last night and I am so glad he could here their voices (and vice versa). He is still doing well and at the end of 1st day of Basic he was loving it. Yes, I know, he's sick. He would be the one person in the world to enjoy his first day of Basic..

My weekend plans include:
Friday~
Going on Fort to hopefully take care of a bunch of paperwork. That night going to my parents crib for my "birthday dinner" I requested pizza. I could kill for some pizza at this point.
Saturday~
Getting together with my SIL earlier in the day to get pedi's!!!! Then getting ready for our girls night bday celebration. I'm making baked ziti and brownie ice cream sundaes for dessert. And I'm sure a few glasses of wine. I've been afraid to have too much to drink though, because I just know it'll make me too sad. We're also going to rent some movies. I'm thinking Nights in Rodanthe and Women.
Sunday~
Birthday dinner with my in-laws! Actually a late lunch/early dinner. Those amazing people are taking me to The Melting Pot. I've never been, so I'm very much looking foward to that!

Hopefully I'll be able to fit meeting Emily somewhere in there!

Congratulations!!

To my good good friends Tim and Wendy!! They left for the hospital around 2:30 this morning and will come home Friday with a beautiful new baby girl!! Emily Danielle was born at 3:15 today.. all 6lbs, 19 inches of her :)
I haven't seen her yet, but talked to Wendy's sister, J, today and apparently everything went very smoothly. Not the Auntie J would be biased or anything, but she says she is just perfect. I'm going to see her after work tomorrow and I CAN NOT WAIT to meet the little babe! I do wish Trey could be here to meet her though. But I'll send him pictures and he will meet her soon enough!

One goal for the month accomplished today:
Went to H&R Block to pay them the $280 they raped us out of to do our taxes this year. Next step... wait for our State refund to come in so I can pay the Federal amount we owe.. I know right?!? First time we've ever owed.. at least we're getting enough from State to pay it with.

More goals for the month:
celebrate my birthday
line all of our drawers and cabinets with that lining stuff (?)
celebrate St. Patty's Day
get my military ID and insurance set up

I think that's all. Ok ok.. so there are only 2 real goals in there. Fine, let's add starting a work-out regimine in there as well.

Let's get real...

Tonight I went to dinner with two friends. At one point we got on the topic of Trey and how he's been doing/how I've been doing. I was asked if I'm keeping a journal. My first thought was "are you kidding? With blogging almost everyday and writing Trey everynight, I have NO time to keep a journal. And my hand might actually fall off if I did add that into the mix. But she brought up something that made me start thinking about it... how neat it would be to see the changes in myself from day 1 to day.. infinity. I know I will change a lot, especially over the next couple of months, and will hopefully change for the better. Starting an actual private journal is just out of the question (for above reasons) and the thought of putting my true, deep down feelings out in the blogger world for all to see terrifies me, plus I don't want to bore people. But then I thought (whew.. this is a lot of thinking)
#1. If I'm not being myself and talking about what I really really feel, then I'm kind of cheating people (all my fans) out of who I really am.
#2. This is supposed to be therapuetic for me, and if i'm not really opening up, then what good does it do?
#3. If anyone doesn't like it, or gets bored with it, then they don't have to read it! (but I hope you do)
So here we go. I have never, ever in my life had to depend on myself. I went from living at home with mum and dad, to living with Trey. I grew up with my dad and 2 brothers and basically didn't have to do any hard stuff with the boys being around. Then I had Trey to "take care of me". So to sum it all up... I'm not at all independent.. I've never had to be. And all that has changed very drastically.
I am JUST NOW feeling okay with myself. If it weren't for the responsibility of a job, I probably would have curled up in fetal position in our bed, and would not have moved until yesterday. I miss him more than I thought was possible. My heart aches. I cried every single day up until yesterday. I had to deal with a little bank account issue the first full day he was gone. And I ended up crying to my mum for help instead of dealing with it myself. I locked myself out of my house in my PJ's Sunday night. With no spare key hidden. I haven't cleaned my bathroom, even though I've promised myslef I would for the past two weeks.
When he called my Saturday, he was miserable. I was not strong for him and cried almost the whole time we were on the phone, almost bringing him to tears in front of a group of grown men. I then cried for the remainder of the night. Not a proud moment.
But something does feel like it clicked in me as of Monday. I don't know if it was getting through the first weekend. Or just time. And maybe all of the prayers. But something changed. I stopped for a minute at work and realized that I was actually happy. I was smiling and it wasn't fake, forced smiling. I was thinking about him yes, but it didn't make me cry to do so.
He actually just now called me again! He sounded much much better as well! He is definately starting Basic tomorrow, so I'm sure that is helping him. That was part of the problem saturday, was that he was still stuck in in-processing. That was a much better conversation, and for the most part consisted of us laughing together.
So there it is... all out on the line in a nut shell at least. One day in the future I hope to look at this and see that I've grown into a mature, strong, independent and self-sufficient woman. One that loves her husband dearly and adores when they are together, but that can make it just fine when he does have to be away!

I have a new obsession

And shocker... it has to do with television.
Army Wives on Lifetime! I just watched an episode for the first time and it is by far waaaayyy up there on my list of favorite shows. I may have even cried at the end. Hey.. it was moving okay?
I know I'm watching old episodes... does anyone else watch this? Is there a new season coming? Please say yes!

attack of the birds

I started to notice this yesterday, but didn't give too much thought to it until this morning when I attempted to get my newspaper from the driveway. There are HUNDREDS of birds flying and squaking around my house. It's really really creepy. Isn't that a bad omen or something? And isn't there a scary movie out there about birds? I'm not their biggest fans and I wish they'd fly away and get their squak on somewhere else. I took a video for yall to get the full effect...

This really doesn't even do it justice. I'm sitting in my living room and that's all I can hear.

Needless to say, my newspaper is still sitting in the driveway, soaking wet by now I'm sure.