September 11, 2011

10 Years

I wasn't planning on writing anything. Not because I feel this day isn't worth the time to write or it's not important enough, but because I just plain don't have the words to express what I'm feeling inside. So this won't be long. It may not be beautiful or eloquent. And I guarantee it won't adequately express how I really feel inside. But I have to attempt.

As I sit here, watching the memorial coverage. Relearning the mass numbers of people that lost their lives. 343 firefighters. Over 3,000 children lost a parent. Let that soak in for a moment. 40% of people will never have any kind of physical proof that their loved one actually passed. I can't imagine that. How do you get past the tiny shred of hope that your family member will walk through the door one day?
I've shed so many tears this morning already, hearing the names being called out. Seeing the family members walk through the memorial for the first time. Hearing the young man speak that lost his father.. his father that never was able to teach him how to drive, see him off on his first date, or watch him graduate college. Seeing the 10 year old children rub their parents name on the memorial who will never KNOW their parents. There is so much more...

My heart is filled with honor and respect towards all of the people who ran towards that chaotic scene when everyone else was running.. literally.. for their lives. That takes a special heart. Courage that I'm not sure I could ever possess. God bless them. And our troops! The men and woman who saw this day unfold and then joined the Military, purely for the fact that they wanted to do something. Knowing what it would bring into their lives. That it could take their lives. They did it anyways.. knowing they could pay the ultimate sacrifice.

I'm filled with all of this emotion this morning and am desperately trying to hold on to every single detail and feeling, because I never want to forget, and I watch my son, so innocently crawling around the room, while his mother and father shed tears... he is smiling, playing and laughing... how am I going to teach him about all of this? How do I make sure he really KNOWS what happened that day? Will he ever truly understand?  I want him to understand why his Daddy does what he does. Why he can't always be home with him. But, seeing how innocent he is right now, I can't say that I look forward to the day that I have to explain to him that people aren't always good. That there are people out there who would like nothing more than to bring as much hurt as possible to all of us. 

I'm not really sure how to wrap this up. I've literally been staring at this line for about 5 minutes. I just heard a quote from Bush (God, I miss him) where he mentioned that with the first plane he thought it had been some kind of mistake, with the second plane he knew it was an act of terror and with the attack on the Pentagon, he saw it as an act of war. We've been at this war for so long now and people are tired. We want our family members home. We're tired of loosing people. But, this day reminds us of what these soldiers are fighting so hard for. That some gave the ultimate sacrifice for something that mattered. They are the definition of hero and their fight and struggle wasn't in vain.

I, for sure, will never forget. I won't let myself. Today, especially, I will keep everyone who has lost someone on that fateful day and every day since then in my prayers. I will carry them in my heart today. I wish I could take just an ounce of their pain away. I hope they know that they have an entire county (and I'm sure even more) praying for them, thinking about them, and sharing in their pain.

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