I'm Coming Home

I've always believed that your home is where your heart is. What if you heart is headed overseas? Are you then homeless?

Trey and I finally made the final decision that I'll be heading home when he deploys. Let's face it, I'm going to need the help. I'll be 8-9 months pregnant when he leaves. I know I could do it on my own if I had to, but that's just it, I don't have to. While my friends here are wonderful and have always been more than I would have asked for myself, nothing compares to living with/around both sides of our family. The biggest factor was when Trey really opened up to me. He's not so great about expressing his feelings, so when he told me how much he wanted me to go back... that it would make him worry about us so much less... what choice did I really have?

Don't get me wrong, I'm happy with the choice that we've made. I really am.. it feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. But I hate the circumstances. There is so much I could get excited about. All of that time with family. Andrew and new baby (NB) getting quality time spent getting to know family in a way they wouldn't be able to otherwise. Andrew and NB spending all of that time with their two cousins back home. Holidays with family without having to jump on a place with 2 kids. My in-laws go to Hilton Head every Easter together and have always wanted us to come. I can do that this year. Making up time lost with friends back home and seeing how their families have grown. All great, wonderful, exciting things.
But how will I fit in? Will that feel like home without my husband? Will I feel guilty enjoying myself with our families and friends while he is off in a war zone? Will anyone understand and empathize with what we're going through?

While I know we are making the best out of a crappy situation and I'm confident that this is the right decision for us, my heart is still breaking. This will be our first deployment. I know I have a lot to learn. I guess I just don't really know what to expect. But then, first deployment or fifth, I guess there's no real way to prepare for this, right?

Everything is becoming so real. With NTC LITERALLY right around the corner, which takes a good month of the time we have left together away, I feel like our time is dwindling too fast. Plus, I'm pregnant and hormones are in swing LIKE WHOA. This is how I deal with thoughts and feelings... I'll need to write it all out (and talk about it incessantly.. sorry close friends!) to process stuff. Naturally, with this all being such a huge part of our lives, I'm sure this topic will come up quite frequently. Just a warning!

My Parents Visit

My absense probably isn't even noted anymore around here since my new norm is getting out.. what?... a blog every two weeks? Don't blame me. It's the baby's fault ;)

My parents and youngest brother were out here for a visit last week. There is something very cruel about having triple the help while pregnant and caring for a toddler to zilch because your husband leaves, don't you agree??

Anyways, we had such a good time. We didn't do anything wild and crazy, in fact the majority of our time was spent right here in mi casa, but that's just how we roll. A few things that stand out and I'd like to remember:

Andrew is in LOVE with my brother. They played and laughed and rough-housed the week away. He actually cried when we drove home from the airport without him. We live 2.5 seconds away from the airport and knew which plane was theirs when it flew over (don't scoff and roll your eyes... my dad described the plane and told me when they were "zipping" down the runway). Andrew waved to the plane and said, "bye Steve", so naturally he now says the same thing to every plane that flies over his head. To him, Steve lives on flying airplanes :)
I mean, he liked everyone else too, but there is some serious Steve Obsession going on right now.

I think Mizzy secretly really enjoyed waking up with Andrew every morning before 6:30. She always reminded me that I could just keep my happy behind in the bed in the morning. When I would walk out Andrew would have already had his milk and breakfast and be freshly diapered. And Mizzy always had a little happy smirk on her face. See... Andrew's a little obsessed with me. If I'm around he won't be cuddling up to anyone else. No one else can give him his milk, take him to bed, read to him, change his diaper.. blah blah blah. WHY YESSSSS, it is exhausting for me, but my boy loves me, what can I say? But it's like out of sight, out of mind. So when I was tucked in bed behind my closed door in the morning, she got to cuddle him for that 4 seconds it took for him to drink his milk.
(It's very hard to grab a picture of my mom and any point, so I don't have one. My brother took a great one, but for some reason, it's taking them an eternity to post them up)

My dad had a great time just hanging out. He played lots of blocks and took advantage of the fact that Andrew really enjoys feeding people right now. Don't ask me.. he thinks it's a blast. So, naturally, he had Andrew feed him his favorite food all week:

He also enjoyed the local cuisine...

That sure was a fun night...

A few other things we did to pass the time:
We baked cookies to send to my other brother and his friends that are overseas. We all benefited from that (sorry Charlie, if you don't get as big of a batch as you expected) but Andrew clearly benefited the most.

Get it baby!

We drove up to Scenic Drive where you can look out and see the entire city, plus into Mexico. It's really breathtaking! From there we continued on to the outlet malls, where again, Andrew was the only one to benefit. That's not true actually... we had some of the best pizza I've ever had in my life there for lunch.

We played a game called Redneck Life. Have y'all ever heard of or played this? It's just like the board game Life, but obviously for rednecks. HIL-A-RIOUS. You can buy it here, I strongly suggest it. You may end up as someone named Betty Lou with a 5th grade education, working as a Mullet Hair Stylist, married to Billy Joe and have 6 kids named Cooter. But, hey, that's just Redneck Life.
During the game I wrote down a few hilarious situations that we went through, but I threw it away and now I don't remember. You'll just have to trust me on this one. We had to walk away from it one night because we were all in hysterics.

We watched lots of Carolina Baseball games. Obviously them being here was a good luck charm. As soon as they left, it went all down hill.

My mom did just about all of the cooking for me, God bless her, I can't stand the thought of cooking food right now. My poor family. When we weren't cooking we were eating out at local restaurants (Taco Cabana, Charlie's Subs, Cattlemen's Steakhouse... where we waiting 2.5 hours to eat a steak. It was Father's Day and worth it. Carlos and Mickey's. I think that's it!)
Speaking of Father's Day - I got to spend it with my dad AND my husband this year! How awesome is that???

It was just a great all around visit and if I weren't going back soon for an extended period of time, I'd be really upset that they are gone. But, I guess they had to go back to their own life or something... I personally think moving down and being my live-in help wouldn't be such a bad gig!

And He's Off

For a few years now (3), my brother has been driving me absolutely, bat sh!t, crazy.

He joined the AFNG 3 years ago and ever since then, has been itching to get on a plane overseas. I don't think I'll ever fully grasp the idea of a service member REALLY WANTING to deploy. Yes, they join of their own free will, knowing that they will most likely go at some point and they are okay with that. But jumping at the bit to go into a war zone? I don't get it. I know lots of military members out there exists that think this way... I would just never be one of them is all I'm saying. I'm in awe of them. I think they are truly remarkable people and it makes me teary just thinking about it.

So, for 3 years, I've been listening to his eager hopes every time a flight was going out. (if I don't use proper AF terms, forgive me. You know what I'm trying to say!)

"There's a flight going out, I'm gonna try to get on"

"I think they may let me go out on this one". "No they aren't". "Yes, I'm going.. I'm pretty sure". "Nope.. can't go."

"Hey, I really think I'm going this time. So and so has to come back and I think they're gonna let me take his place".
"Nope.. have to stay".

Years of this I tell ya. So many conversations that when he came to me last time letting me know that THIS WAS IT. This was his time. I was all, "yeah. okay. Whatevs."

I didn't think anything of it at all to tell you the truth. I put it out of my mind and waited around for his call letting me know it wasn't going to happen. Except when he called me back, he was letting me know that later that week he was getting his shots. You know the shots I speak of.
It shocked me. I was in the car with a friend, gallivanting around town, and just lost it a little bit. My little brother was going overseas. FOR REALS this time.

Then it all happened so fast. He got his shots. Was issued his deployment gear. Had his last day at his normal job. Had his last 50 beers (I kid.. 75). Packed up his stuff and my parents went to send him off. And now he's there.

I'm anxious to hear from him. Without going into too much detail, I feel pretty good about his general safety. But one can never feel TOO good when your loved one is in a war zone. I want to make sure he's not too tired. That he's eating well. That he's safe. I know he can handle all of this and I know he wanted it so very badly... but he can come home now :) He's been over there a few days.. enough to get it out of his system, right?

Either way, I'm one proud sister!

Baby Bean Update

Blog posting will probably be far and few between for the next couple weeks if I continue to feel the way I have been feeling. The minute Andrew goes down for a nap, I have been crashing too. In fact, an hour before his nap time, I find myself staring at the clocking, willing it to tick away! So Tired!
As exhausting as it is, it's a great sign that things are moving along as they should be.

We had our initial doctor's appointment Tuesday afternoon. It involved a pelvic US and while everything looked great, I am not as far along as we expected. I thought I was around 7 weeks and turns out I was measuring right at 4 weeks, 5 days as of Tuesday. (It's crazy to me that they can be that specific). So I'm 5 weeks along now and while I don't know that I would have originally shared the news had I known that, I'm glad I did. Who knows... the extra prayers could just be making all the difference :)
Side note: I know people mean well, and I do appreciate concerns, but if one more person tells me I shouldn't have shared this early, I may scream. Yes, I'm painfully aware of what could happen, thank you!

The midwife I saw on Tuesday was wonderful! She took over an hour with me before sending me off to labs to discuss all of my worries and concerns. To ease them all, she put in an HCG count along with the rest of my labs and a repeat after 48 hours to make sure they were doubling. I got those results in this morning.. they are more than doubling and on the higher side of average. Amen!
Also, since that was supposed to be the US where we could hear the heartbeat, and she knew how much hearing that heartbeat would ease my fears, she set us up for another one in about 3 weeks. We go back in on July 1st to hear that sweet sound. While I know it's still possible, chances of miscarrying go down to under 5% once you do hear the heart beating. I'm looking forward to that reassurance!

So thank you, Ms. Woffard at WBAMC, for caring. That attribute is not as common as it should be. Now, if you'll excuse me, I still have a good hour and 1/2 left of nap time and the house is already as clean as it's gonna get. I think I'll rest my eyelids.

5 years

Tomorrow my husband and I celebrate 5 years of marriage! In October, it will be 10 years of togetherness, but tomorrow is the day we said I do, 5 years ago!

Here we are 5 years ago at the ripe age of 24 (and 25..him.. old fart):

And here we are now:

We've been through so much together and have come such a long way. Never, ever when I said, "I do", did I imagine that this would be our life. We bought a house together and sold it. He joined the Army and I drove 18 hours by myself to go live with him. We moved to Oklahoma and then to Texas. We learned how to live life on our own. Just the two of us. And we thrived. Our relationship became stronger than ever. That will happen when you only have each other to depend on. Then our love brought the most amazing little boy into this world:

He is the best thing that could have ever come into our lives. He made our family even brighter and happier.
After leaning on each other through our miscarriage, we realized we make each other stronger. I'm a better person with Trey by my side.
And what better time than our anniversary, while celebrating the love that we share, to announce that we are expecting again*! Do you like how I just threw that in there? Not what you were expecting to read, huh? We are thrilled and so very excited at the thought of growing our family even more so.

So tomorrow night, we'll be going out to dinner to celebrate us. To celebrate all of the ups we've shared together and the downs that have made us even stronger. Happy 5 years, babe! I love that man more than I have the words to express.

*I hope I didn't knock you out of your seat with that announcement. I realize I just did a whole woe is me post about not getting pregnant and how out of whack by body was. Turns out I am! No wonder my body was crazy. Also, I may be crazy for letting the whole world know this early ( I actually have no clue how far along I am), but I would be out and open with it if anything does happen. We need all of the prayers we can get for a healthy pregnancy, so if you think of it, please pray for us! I have a good feeling about this, so we're celebrating and acting as if there is no threat... all while taking it as easy as possible of course. Plus, I had to find a way to tell people before my sweet mother told the world for me :)