November 20, 2010

D-Day

Ahhh.. my first private blog post. It's actually kind of freeing to know exactly who will be reading this. I think I'll like it.

The word Deployment has been coming up an awful lot in our house lately. No, my husband's unit isn't set to deploy for another three years or so, but he's planning on volunteering (yes, you read that right, volunteering) to go with another unit that is going in 2011. Let me explain...

When Trey joined the Army, he couldn't wait to deploy. He wanted to get out there and help. To accomplish something meaningful in his life. I knew he was all about going over when he left for Basic, so I've had a long time to prepare myself.. if that is even possible. When he finished with BOLC II, we were given a list of places to pick from to be stationed at. Ft. Bliss appealed to him because they did the type of stuff he wanted to do (I clearly don't know what that was) and the unit was at the beginning of a deployment and he thought he would go and join them. When we got here, he was told that they were coming home early and he would be part of (or Commander) of Rear D (the people left behind from the deployment). SO not what he wanted to be doing. He had resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn't be deploying for a while and was so disappointed that he was even contemplating getting out when his 3 years was over. That was until...

Someone informed him that he didn't have to wait for his unit. He could volunteer to go with anyone else that was deploying. From anywhere and at anytime. He started talking about that a month or two ago and I really was just brushing it off. He kept going back and forth. Yes, he still wanted to go. But Andrew changed everything. He couldn't (and still can't) bear the thought of leaving him for a year. What am I, chop liver?? ;)
Over the last couple of weeks, I put my foot down. I couldn't take the indecisiveness. I'm a planner, which goes great with the Army lifestyle, doesn't it?? I hate not knowing about anything in the near future and will obsess over it.

After lots of conversations, we both came to the conclusion that it will be best for him to go. Yes, I'm willingly sending the love of my life away to war. Am I crazy? Maybe. But I also adore and respect him and know that he needs to go. Just like when I agreed to him joining in the first place. I knew that if he didn't at least commit a few years to it that he would spend the rest of his life regretting not doing something that he'd always wanted to do. Same here. This is why he joined in the first place, number one. Two.. it's going to help accomplish our financial goals. No, I'm not being selfish. We both want ALL of our debt paid off. In his eyes, he doesn't have the option to walk away from the Army even if he wanted to until all of our debt is paid off.. or most of it. I can tackle most of it during a deployment. Third.. it's as simple as knowing that for his career, he needs to do this. He can't go to Captain's Career Course without a deployment patch. Yes, people do that.. I'm sure it happens a lot. I, personally, don't think there is anything wrong with that. My husband's pride will never let him do that.

Am I scared? A little. I don't want to spend a year away from him. I don't want him to miss a year of Andrew's life. There will be a lot of firsts in there that Trey won't get to experience, but thankfully, Andrew won't remember any of it. I don't want anything to happen to him. I also believe though, with all of my heart, that when it's your time, it's your time. God has our lives mapped out. Nothing we can do or not do will change that. I know I've mentioned this before, but he had a gun put to his head during a robbery when he worked at Arby's. He could have just as easily died right there.. doing something he hated.. as he could doing something he will be proud of.

If this really does happen, I'll be going home for the year. I always said I wouldn't do that, but again, Andrew changes everything. There's nothing to keep me here and all the reasons in the world to go home. I have the opportunity to give him a chance to spend a whole year around family. For him to get to know them and vice versa. Once he starts going to school, I won't be able to do that. I want to take advantage of that time while I can. 

 After the holidays he'll start asking questions, and as long as they say they need him, he'll be going. Of course, this could change a million or trillion times before he actually goes, if he does at all. They could tell him, no, they don't need him, right? But as of now, he said to just plan on him leaving so that's what I'm doing. I'd rather prepare myself and then get a pleasant surprise than not be ready at all. I'm being as supportive as I can be. I'm encouraging him because I know that's what he wants from me. I also made sure he knows that I would be A-OK with him staying as well.. HA! In the long run, he needs to know that I'm okay with it and that he won't have to worry about me. I may be kicking and screaming on the inside at times, but he will never see that.

I'll be fine. He'll be fine. We'll get through it and it will go by fast. I've never been more proud of him.

7 comments:

Shelze said...

Jess,
Wow! What a strong woman you are. It sounds like you and the hubs have had a long discussion and have come to a realistic decision. I agree that living with regret is worse than not living, so why not support him when you knew that part of the signing up also meant that there was always that possibility. I will be a new mom soon, so, if you ever need someone to talk to, no matter what it is, please feel free to hit me up. Glad to be able to continue following you. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

KLC said...

You guys are in my thoughts and prayers! You are so brave, strong and selfless! The picture on your header is absolutely adorable :)

J.L.S. said...

Oh man, can I ever relate. While Scott is no longer in the Army I, like you, willingly let him go back overseas. I knew he needed this. He needed the pressures of debt to be gone. And this was the quickest (and only real way) we saw to do it.

It's definitely a different feeling when *you* (and by you, I mean you as a couple) decide for him to go overseas. It was much easier to come to terms with it than it was when the Army decided for us. Hang in there!

And you know what, I completely understand and support your decision to go home when he leaves. It bothers me when other wives are so adamant about not leaving and this and that. But, I honestly believe it is going to be different for each person in each situation. Deployments, while they have similarities, are different for everyone (even different each deployment. I know Scott's situation over there right now is VASTLY different from his deployment to Iraq) and you have to do what is best for you (as a family) to get through them. And that can only be decided by you and your family.

Hang in there, and know we will be here to support you when the time comes!

Ashleigh said...

I love you! And again, I'm so happy that you can write about this stuff honestly now.

Real love stories have no endings said...

I hope it all works out for both of our Hubby's and well us as well :) and we can do this together in SC!!!!

Yollie27 said...

wow you are a really strong and brave woman. you're a good example of what a marriage should be. I wish you and your family the best of luck

Field of Dreams said...

You guys have thought this out & for you to both be in agreement to the volunteer is what will make it go by smoothly. Hang in there when the time comes, you both will be fine! Andrew will def. keep you busy! Praying for you guys!