October 31, 2010

The One Where I Piss Off Le Leche League

This post may be a little TMI for some so proceed at your own risk.

My boobs are officially my own again after 11 whole months. I'm done pumping. Completely over it.
It wasn't a decision I came to easily. I've been strug-A-lin for a few weeks now, but didn't want to admit defeat. Mainly, I didn't want to feel like a failure. I finally came to terms with the fact that this just wasn't for me when Trey woke up the other night and came out to find silent little baby tears strolling down my cheeks as I'm pumping quietly in the dark.
Ouch Charlie is all I have to say! Pumping full time is not so easy! Over the past 2 weeks I've been having serious problems. My nipples (Lord I can't believe I said nipples on my blog) would start to bleed and crack so I would spread the pumps out relieve them, which in turn would cause clogged ducts. Those really hurt like a mother, let me tell you! It was this big viscious cycle and was making me miserable. I dreaded the every few hours that I had to do it. I was just plain bitter by the middle of this week.
After a long discussion, we both decided that it just wasn't the best thing to do anymore. Breastfeeding should be this wonderful, rewarding experience and THIS TIME, it just wasn't for me. I'll try again with the next kid.
I don't buy in to the whole idea that because I'm now giving my baby formula that he won't be as smart or healthy as breastfed babies. I know it's most ideal to breastfeed, but Andrew will not be inferior because of it. Trust me, I know this for a fact. How you ask? I was breastfed. My youngest brother was not. I was mediocre at best in school and didn't try very hard. My brother... such a smart kid and has a great head on his shoulders! I've been worried because I know switching over is hard on their little tummies and he has been a little fussy with it up until today. My mum made me feel much better though when she asked my brother if he remembers her switching, and he has no recollection ;)

I know people are very passionate about breastfeeding, but please don't use this as a forum to be ugly to me about it. I've already had my share of meanie pants comments about it, but KNOW that I am doing the right thing for my baby and I. Trust me, I'm a much happier mum and that's important too!

12 comments:

Ashleigh said...

it's absolutely, SO important for you to be happy too! I'm glad you made this decision, I know how hard it has been for you. :hugs:

The Mrs. in Stilettos said...

Do not feel bad or worry about what others think!!! It has been hard for you from the get go and you gave it more of a try than most and I don't know if I would have been able to pump as long as you did! If Ally wouldn't feed at the breast I would have pumped for a while but I know it HURTS and it isn't the bonding experience that you want when pumping and I applaud you for doing it as long as you have and for taking the initiative to take care of you too!!! A healthy happy mommy is what helps make a healthy happy baby!!! Good for you for being an amazing mommy and doing what is best for both of you!!! the first 6 weeks are the most important and you did that and then some!!!

Stephanie said...

With my first, I strictly pumped and it was so much trouble and hard to keep up with I dried out and had to stop after a month or so. Then I had to make a decision to stop breastfeeding after only two weeks with my second. It was PAINFUL... so bad it made me sweat. It made me so stressed and upset, we decided it wasn't worth it. We plan on having a third and I'm going to try again. Don't feel bad and don't let anyone make you feel like you are doing something wrong. You know best, and every situation is different. A happy, relaxed mommy is better for him than breast milk over formula.

Just Ask Beth said...

A good mother does what she feels in HER heart what is right for HER and HER CHILD!! You are wonderful and I think that was a SMART decision.. A smart child has to do with parents who interact with them, read to them, play with them and feeds them healthy meals. You do what is best for you..you are going to be so happy and less stressed and he will notice the difference!! Hello hot wings and peppered jack cheese!

Steph said...

Oh wow! I don't know squat about breast feeding. But cracked bleeding nipples. Geez Louise that would be enough for me to throw in the towel. I bet that did hurt like a mother. Like I said, I don't know squat but I do believe plenty of kids turn out fine with formula.

JG said...

Good for you for following your own instincts. We were all formula-fed (my siblings) and there's no real difference between us and SoldierMan's family, who are militant La Leche-type breastfeeders. As everyone else has said, do what's right for YOU, and who cares what anyone else thinks.

Little Momma said...

I always find it a little crazy that if a woman decides from the get-go that she will bottle feed, people tend to not have a problem with it.

But let a mother attempt breastfeeding & then stop for whatever reason; & people unleash the hounds on her. I nursed both of mine, but I say to each their own!

Motherhood is crazy enough without letting strangers make you feel bad about yourself! Keep your head up...

Jessica said...

Do NOT feel guilty! You have to do what is right for YOU. You are the one who has to suffer and put in the time to pump, feed etc... I pumped with my first and quit after 2 months, it was the too painful and extremely time consuming. I was always tired and therefore, mean! With number 2, she was bottle fed from day 1. Best.decision.ever!

Don't beat yourself up. Don't feel bad. You're a great mom and you're doing what's best for you and your baby. :)

Amber said...

The most important thing for a baby is to have a happy healthy mother. If breastfeeding takes either of those things away it is not worth it.

It doesn't matter what you feed your baby it just matters that you feed him!

Michelle A'etonu said...

girl, don't even sweat it! i had to give up breastfeeding and then pumping when I started working again. Now sina is completely on formula. my milk supply had dwindled down to nothing and i was stressing myself out going on supplements and taking meds to increase my milk supply and when those just didn't work...I'd had it. now that she's on formula, it's soooooo much easier! And as long as he's eating, what's the big deal? Hope the transition goes well for you. I mixed with breastmilk for about two weeks before going straight formula and it worked like a charm!

Julie Q said...

You gave it a try! And even if you hadn't, its totally your decision and as long as you are happy, the blog world is happy :)

Shelze said...

I am planning on breastfeeding, but who even knows if I will be able to do it. You gave it a try for 11 months! That is a feat in itself. How many people out there don't even try it for that long. It is supposed to be something precious and special to share, but, it you aren't enjoying it (I think you can phrase it that way) then at least you know you tried and now you are doing what is best for both you and the baby. Don't worry about what others will say, this is your blog, your chance to vent about your thoughts, your feelings, your emotions. You are entitled to them...THEY ARE YOURS! Have a great weekend.