Last Post

I officially did my first post over at Wordpress! I love it. Sorry, Blogger, but you've been replaced!

So go ahead on over and read. I've come so far. I even have a "follow me with bloglovin" button on the side bar. I know.. I feel accomplished.

So long, Blogger. Thanks for introducing me to blogging. You helped me realize that I do have a love for writing.
 I've met some really wonderful people. Some that I now consider true friends. One that I even got to meet in person. Hi Jaci :)
I've vented. I've captured some precious memories. You've seen my husband join the Army and go off to war. You've seen me through moves across the country and back again. You captured my children being born and my start through this journey of motherhood.

I can't wait to see where life takes me while I'm writing about it over at Wordpress. No more kids that's for sure, but I'll be writing about watching my kids grow. On how Trey and I grow as our kids do. Who knows what part of the world I'll be writing from! Isn't that exciting? I'm excited to see what the next few years holds. I hope you can join me!

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

Bear with me! I'm having to "claim" my blog all over again with Bloglovin' and can't find my new one on their site. Apparently, I have to do this again over here and let them move my followers to my new link? I'm so confused! (Obviously). Pay me no mind for a while!

Making a Move

Hey! It's been a while!

I've decided that I really can't give up blogging. I miss it. Maybe I am a writer after all. I never said a good one.. just a writer. I need to do it. Maybe the problem was that I've outgrown this space. Maybe a fresh start will jump start my creativity. Restart my writing mojo. I need to find something I lost along the way. The fun stuff.. the reason I was so dedicated to my blog in the first place.

So I'm going to give it a go. I'd love for you to follow me over to my new space in WordPress. I'm still learning. The only thing I've written so far is my About page. But, hey, it has pictures and everything, so isn't that a good accomplishment?

It seems a little more complicated, but I'll get it. It's definitely a learning process.

• Is there an easier way to direct you there other than giving you the link? 
• Assuming anyone would want to follow my new blog, how would you do so? I don't see a follow button anywhere.
• I still haven't figured out this BlogLovin thing. I honestly haven't tried too hard though. How do I make that little button all the cool kids have on the bottom of each post that says, "follow me with bloglovin?"
• If I decide to do so, is there an easy way to link this blog to that one?

Click here to go check it out and see if there is anything else I am totally screwing up or if you notice something really cool/helpful I am missing!

Done?

I've thought a lot about this little blog of mine lately. I'm toying around with the idea of giving it up. Or I was at least. At this point, I think I'm just going to give it a rest. (or continue to give it a rest).

It's not necessarily that I don't have the time. I could MAKE the time and I always have. Since I became a Mama it was something I had to prioritize and it always WAS a priority for me. But lately, it hasn't been something I wanted to prioritize. The thought of it stressed me out more than it was a source of comfort/entertainment, nor is a form of an outlet for me. Basically, I haven't been enjoying it as much as I always have.

I thought I was DONE done, but I know I'd miss it too much. In all honesty, I already do. I have ideas brewing in my head of things I would like to write about. Just not right now. So I'll be back. I enjoy writing too much to never do it again. I just need a breather.

Wesley - 3 months in

Again, even with the second time (maybe even more so), I find myself astonished at how fast the time flies. Wes being here is so normal and so natural that it feels like he always was. And just like THAT.. it's hard to picture what life was like before him. Funny how it all works.

So, what's up with the babe?

He's in 3 month clothing and size 2 diapers with size 3 right around the corner.
I'm not sure how much he weighs, but if I had to guess I would say 14.5-15 pounds.
He's drinking 5 ounces every 3 hours with the exception of that first bottle of the day. He wants 6 ounces in that bad boy.

He's accomplished so much this month. It's been a fun one!
He's rolling from tummy to back.
Cooing, smiling, and he just started giggling.. which is the best little noise on the planet.
He had his first trip to the mountains. In fact, he's already toured The Biltmore.. very advanced, he is.
He goes to sleep between 6 and 7 every night and *knock on wood* sleeps sometimes until 6 the next morning, but still waking up at either 4 or 5 a lot of mornings for that 6 ounce bottle. If he wakes up early to eat, he goes right back to sleep. If he wakes up 6 or later, he'll stay up for about an hour then take a nap. You won't catch me complaining about either scenario!

He is just in LOVE love love with his big brother. He smiles every time Andrew comes around and will follow his voice anywhere. The best decision we made was to give Andrew a sibling (and vice versa).

It may be twice the work, but it's also twice the love and fun. My heart feels like it's going to burst seeing them together.. smiling at each other, holding hands.. it kills me. And one day we'll all laugh about the little moments like Andrew hammering him in the head with his toy hammer saying that he's "fixing Wes"....

Baby Wes, we just adore you! You were the perfect addition to our now complete family. I don't know why I let myself worry and worry over not having room in my heart to love another child like I did your big brother. What everyone says is right.. you just do. I couldn't picture life without you! Your Daddy is already in love with you as well and he can't wait to meet you, little guy!

BlogLovin

I've been flirting with this for about a month I guess (I don't know.. I have no conception of time since that new kid came along) but to be honest.. I have no earthly idea what I"m doing. I guess I'm following blogs already, but I haven't gone onto the site after that first lookieloo.

But I really don't like the clock ticking reminding me I need to figure it out, so here's my second attempt. I copied the code so you can follow me over there. Go do it, I promise I'll get my act together one of these days and post more regularly.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

No Bad Days Allowed

I've been working this post in my head for a while now, but I've gotten to the point where I'm obsessing over it. So it's time to get the words out.

When you have young children, everyone wants to see you thoroughly enjoying every moment of your life.
"Enjoy every second while you can"
"This is the easiest it will ever be, just wait until they...."
"You'll miss these days"
And many other varieties of the same comments.
 And I'm sure they are right.

Listen, I know how blessed I am. I know how lucky I am to have two healthy, beautiful, thriving children. I know what some people would only give to be in my situation and trust me, I'm very sensitive to that.
But damn if this isn't tough sometimes (a lot of the times).

I'm up with the both of them usually before 7 in the morning. They tag team me on most days. Rise and shine mom, we both need you NOW. It doesn't end until 8:30 at night. So for 13.5 hours I'm on. And it's mostly just me. My partner in all this isn't here. While there are wonderful, precious moments sprinkled in and some days are filled with those moments, there are going to be days where I just cannot find the good in it for the life of me.
The days where I cannot bear to listen to ONE MORE whine. Where I feel like I've heard nothing but cries and temper tantrums. Where I might as well just get a tape recorder and just press myself saying, "get in timeout" every 5 minutes. Days where my back is killing me because every time I go to put my 2 month old down he screams. Days where I'm just flat exhausted by 8pm and I would give anything to have my husband here to give me a break so I can take a shower, a bath, have a glass of wine or just rest for a few minutes. Because while I do have my parents, it's not at all the same as having the other parent with you.

So some days I feel like I'll never get through it. Some days I'm reduced to nothing but tears because that's all I have left. And in that moment, I don't want to hear how lucky I am. I don't want to hear that it's just going to get harder, but OHMYGOD, I can't handle it now, I don't want it to get harder! I don't want to hear that I need to be counting my blessings instead of allowing myself to be human. I don't want to hear that I should basically be sucking it up because, hey life is good.

I know life is good. I know in the grand scheme of things, I'm extremely lucky. But sometimes, I just want to hear that someone else has been there. That they remember how hard it can be and to just hang in there, that tomorrow will be better. Tell me that as hard as it is, that I'm doing a great job. Be as quick to give out any kind of motivation to that mother of young children as you are to scold her for giving in to that long, hard day. Sympathize with her. Build her up.

Because while we already know that the years go by all too fast. the days are extremely long. And sometimes we're just flat tired.

Best Laid Plans

I should have known. I should have known better than to get my hopes up that my husband would be coming home early. I should have known that it doesn't mean anything if you have orders. When he laid out the time frame of his deployment for me and said it was a sure thing because.. hey.. orders have been cut... I should have told myself, that doesn't mean jack. I should have NEVER put my written out countdown at 134 days. We're dealing with the Army. I should have known better than to get my hopes up about any plan that we helped put together.

Before this deployment rolled around, Trey was given orders for a Career Course date. That date being mid-September. Selfishly, I was ELATED. Beyond elated. This meant he'd have to come home early enough to out-process from Ft. Bliss, take his 30 day leave, get to Oklahoma and find a house. And things were going swimmingly. In fact, just a week ago he got word that his last day of work over there would be June 15th and he'd be back in the states by the end of June. We were so excited. He was counting down how many weeks he had left. I was making plans to go out.. by myself!!!... to see him for a 4 day weekend so we could get reacquainted (get your minds out of the gutter) without the pressure of taking care of two little boys. So excited. The time left seemed manageable.

Then I woke up to a lovely little message yesterday morning that he had some bad news. I knew before even asking. It was all too good to be true. Someone up at Brigade changed his orders. Put him in the Career Course in November so he can ride out the whole deployment. Which, had that been the plan from the beginning, wouldn't even have been a thing. I don't want it to sound like he's a shammer. You just get your hopes up and get used to a certain idea, ya know?

I was devastated and actually went through a few stages of grief.

At first I was so sad and disappointed that it was hard to grasp for air through the tears. You may as well of just ripped my heart out of my chest. 6 more months seems SO. MUCH. LONGER. than 4 more months. The daily countdown was becoming easier to look at. There was an end in sight. I was getting to the giddy stage of deployment. Now it just seems unreachable again. I won't visit him until September. We won't be together again until mid-October. Depressing. So far away. He's going to miss so much more. He'll miss Andrew's 3rd birthday. He left a young toddler. He's coming home to a 3 year old and a 8 month old that he's never met. 2 and 6 months didn't sound quite as bad. And I'm sure it's all in my head, but when I thought about Andrew and Trey becoming accustomed to each other again, doing it in August sounded doable. For some reason, I'm worried about it now that it's two months later. I'm sure this all sounds irrational.

I quickly moved to anger. WHO just switches orders like that? *I know.. I know.. I know who can and will do that. Go with me here.. I was livid and not thinking clearly*
What I am still holding onto anger about, though, is that I don't see what the need for it is. He'll be moved from his BN around the time he was supposed to come home. But, get this, for what? No plan. No specific plan for him. AKA.. no specific reason to keep him there. The only thing I can make of it, is that I know how hard he works and I know how incredible his work ethic is. I'm not just saying this because he's my husband, but I know he works harder than 99% of people around him. And that's not a dig against everyone else. That's just how much he puts on himself. So of course they're going to keep him. He carries a lot of the weight and in my little ol' mind that should be rewarded by sticking to his orders.. but who am I?

I then moved into where I am now and where it sounds like Trey is as well. Reluctant Acceptance. There's nothing we can do to change this. I can't sit around pissed off for 6 more months. I have to look at the bright side. I have to find the good. So, I'll make the most out of the time I have with family and friends here. I know that a few months after leaving again and the novelty of living with Trey again wears off, I'll miss everyone back here. Deeply. So I'll soak up this time.
I have more time to work on my fitnasss. I have a membership to Gold's while I'm here. I can work out as much as I want.. and.. bonus.. they watch my kids! I've been averaging 3 times a week. I'm doing it for myself, don't get me wrong. I feel better when I work out (obvious) and I want to look good in my clothes for me. I want more energy when playing with the kids. But what a great bonus it would be for my husband to say, "dayyummmm girl" when he sees me for the first time. Well, I have two more months to work on getting that reaction.
And, of course, there's two more months of deployment pay. I'd rather have my husband, but I'll take it.

I went through the stages rather quickly. This all happened in the matter of two hours. But that's what I do. That's what I have to do. In the Army, there aren't many aspects of life that you have control over. You're at the mercy of the big machine's whims. The only thing I CAN control is my attitude and outlook. So, go ahead Army. Throw whatever you want at me. I may throw a temper tantrum, but just give me a little bit of time. I'll come around. I'll support my husband and be more proud of him than most people can even fathom. I'll wait for him and make sure his kids always remember who he is and keep him in conversation every day. And we'll get him back. Just a little later than expected. And that's okay... I guess.

As hard as this is on me, I know it's 10 times harder on Trey. He's working so hard every single day of the week and hardly resting. I get to see joy on my son's face when we go to places like the park, Chucky Cheese or Monkey Joes and no matter how sad I am, his smile lights my heart up. I get newborn snuggles throughout the day and get to witness a whole 'nother little being's milestones. He's missing out on all of that. So if you don't mind, and when you think of it, say a prayer for him. He could use a little extra help getting past this setback. We'd both really appreciate it!

One Month. The Wes Edition.

If you care to read about Andrew at one month you may do so here. I can imagine that the only one to click that link will be my mama. It made me almost cry because I saw that at this point Andrew was sleeping from 9pm to 2 or 3 in the morning. Then back to sleep until 6. Wes gets up every 3 hours like clockwork. Waaaaaa!!

Little Wes, I love you even though you never let me sleep! How could I not?

Ignore that little blue line you can see through his onesie. I know I needed to change his diaper. I may not have.

For comparison, here is your brother at one month:

You look so much alike!

So anyways, while you are not anywhere near as good of a sleeper as your brother, you are on a pretty predictable schedule, which I adore. I know that at 6, 9, 12 (you get the picture) you are going to want to eat. Then you'll have about 1/2 hour to an hour of awake time. Then you'll sleep until you're ready to eat again. (This is all for the most part). I love that predictability, so thank you! It also means I can coordinate nap time with your brother.

You, also like your brother, love to eat. I thought it was excessive that you were eating 4 ounces every 3 hours, but just read that Andrew did as well.
At 2 weeks you weighed 8 pounds 5 ounces and were just over 21 inches long. (Andrew was 7 pounds 5 ounces and 20.5 inches)
You, for the most part, have grown out of newborn clothes and are now wearing 0-3 months.

You've already been on your first big road trip.. to Ohio to visit family. You handled it like a champ and I know everyone loved meeting you! Mama enjoyed all of the extra hands :)

You gave me your first smiles last week (just before turning 4 weeks).
You're lifting your head so well.

You adore your brother more than anyone else, I think. You always turn towards his voice and you can easily be calmed down when he comes over and holds your hand and says, "it's okay baby Wes". I love the relationship the two of you already have!

For the most part, you are such a content baby. You have your moments, or days, but you seem to be an "easy" baby just like your brother was.

You've completed us sweet baby! I'm so glad that you are in our lives!

Hello? *tap tap tap* Is this thing on?

I don't know if I'm quite ready to clear the dust on this ol' blog and get back to regular posting, but I found myself with the perfect opportunity to do a little writing this morning, so I thought I'd take advantage of it. Wes is taking a little cat nap (my goodness, that's all he does besides eat and poop). Andrew is extremely content playing on his own in his playroom. The floors are wet in the kitchen so I can't get to my laundry or breakfast. So, here we are!

I feel like I am settling in to this mom of two thing. We're doing more than surviving as in I'm managing to not only keep both boys fed and clean, but also keep up with laundry, do grocery shopping (even if I do lose my keys in Walmart) and get dinner started at night. A shower is never guaranteed, so I'm still looking like a hot mess 95% of the time, but I'll get there. As long as we have this cute face to take the attention away from my appearance, it's all good for a while, right?

*sigh* I die. I do love my boys!

I would love to be getting more sleep at night, but I guess that comes along with the whole newborn thing, huh? This too shall pass, plus I feel like my body is becoming adjusted to getting 4.5 hours of nonconsecutive sleep at night. There's always caffeine, right?
I kicked the bucket on breastfeeding. Again. I don't know why I feel the need to declare that publicly, but there it is. We're okay with it. It was a beautiful, great thing for a few days, but things went downhill very fast. I won't get into the details, but it got ugly and we're all much happier now. So there's that.

I'm healing up quite nicely. Barely notice any discomfort at all now and I'm READY ready ready to get into the gym. I have a 4-week checkup coming up and I hope to get the green light to do so!

So that's about all the updates I've got. Trey is doing well. Staying busy and missing his family! No exciting news on him, but that's a good thing. Oh... there is exciting news on him! He's set to make Captain in March!! Yayyyy :) So proud of that man.

Also, we have dear friends who just started their Army journey. He left Monday for 14 weeks of training for the National Guard. If you think of it, please say a prayer or two for him and his wife and two babies that are back at home waiting for him! I remember how hard it was during that initial training so they are on my heart constantly! Kthanks :)

Wes' birth story

Surprise! Someone made an early appearance!

He wasn't scheduled to come until tomorrow (the 31st), but it looks like he had other plans. I started to feel like something wasn't right on Thursday. I had no idea I was in labor, but I was really tired. My energy level dropped way down and I just didn't feel right. I didn't think much of it though, I was just 38 weeks pregnant.
Fast forward to Friday. I felt better in the morning. Still sluggish, I remember thinking that all I wanted to do was lay down on the couch. I didn't want to get up for anything! I got some stuff done in the morning and then started feeling bad again. I called my SIL to talk about it. I had a nagging feeling, "I wonder if..." so we chatted about what I was feeling. My back hurt a little, I was kind of crampy and my stomach was tightening, but it kind of just felt like Wes was trying to stretch out. I was uncomfortable at worst and thought that it couldn't possibly be labor... that's supposed to be painful. Plus, everyone says you'll KNOW when you're in labor. Phsshhh... not always true!
My mom got home from work around 5:15 and that's when I really started suspecting. I was noticing more of a pattern with the tightening. I told her what was going on and that I was thinking about going in to get checked. I was sure this wasn't it, but at least I'd be able to sleep better knowing for sure that nothing was going on. I took a bath to soak for a few minutes, took a shower, and straightened my hair... you know.. just in case!
I started sending Trey emails just letting him know I was going in, but no need for alarm! I had no idea when he'd even get the messages. By the time we got to the hospital, I was glad we had left! Something was definitely happening. We walked up to Labor and Delivery and I let them know I wanted to be checked. They kind of looked at me like I was crazy and told me I was probably just feeling Braxton Hicks. They entertained me though, and hooked me up to the machines.
About 10 minutes later, the nurse came back and said my contractions were 2 minutes apart. She was coming in to check me but they were going to go ahead and call the doctor because she didn't trust me one bit. Comes in, checks me, and surprise! 4cm dialated, 50% effaced. Because we had to do a c-section, she called the doc and told him to hurry it on up!
30 minutes later, I was in the operating room (which, btw, was the scariest experience I've ever gone through... but easy and painless in the end) and prepping to meet my baby! I got all set up and as soon as my mom came in I started crying. This was it! Nothing like knowing someone is about to take a scalpel to your abdomen. What felt like 10 minutes later, it was over. They pulled my baby out and unfortunately, I didn't hear those sweet cries right away. My mom didn't even have time to cut the cord. They rushed him off because he couldn't breath. There was fluid trapped in his lungs that he couldn't pass. They took him off to special care and I was once again in the position of worrying about my baby.
Fortunately, it was nowhere near as bad this time. He was born at 10:34pm and by 5am he was in my room with me!

Healthy as can be! Needless to say, we never had time to get Daddy on the phone or Skype. He missed the whole thing and found out the next day that his son was here. Can you even imagine that? I can't. I know it was hard on him.

We spent 2 nights in the hospital.
He weighed 8 pounds exactly and is 21 inches long.
He's breastfeeding like a champ and I couldn't be any more thrilled with all that.

He's had tons of visitors and must feel pretty darn loved already.
His big brother is just smitten with him. He spends the day asking if he can hold him, kissing him and "petting" him.

I'm so much in love with him! I spent so much time worrying how I could possibly love another baby. Everyone told me that you just do. Your heart grows. And it does. I already can't imagine life without him. He just fits with us. He completes our family and he couldn't fit any more perfectly.

We love you, Wes! Welcome to our family :)

Andrew

Clever title, right?

I wanted to do a little post about our first baby before the 2nd one gets here - in.. ahem.. exactly 2 weeks! Things are moving so fast with him and I don't want to forget anything. Plus, if Daddy ever has time to check this little ol' blog, I'm sure he'd love the update :)

He is all too inquisitive lately. Simple answers are no longer acceptable to his questions. It's a lot of fun ;)
We just had to chat for about 5 minutes about why most school buses have stop signs but his toy bus does not have one.
We also just got done washing his hands and we talked all about how the water comes OUT of the faucet and DOWN the drain. Big long conversation about that. But then he wanted to know what those little holes are on the side of the sink. I have no earthly idea why those are there, actually. But I'd better find out!
We have talks like this is the car - (we were on our way to Trey's dad's work)
A: Where's Grandad?
Me: He's at work.
A: Where's Grandad's work?
Me: Just down the road a little big. We're on the way.
A: Where's Grandad's truck?
Me: It's at his work?
*1 minute pause*
Repeat conversation all over again. Twice.
Me: Please stop asking me that over and over again. We'll see him in just a few minutes.
A: Where's over and over again?
Ahhhhhh.. LOL!

He's getting more and more independent. Perfect timing, right? Let the angels sing over that one for a minute.
He plays on his own for longer periods of time. He's okay going to his playroom by himself (that was a battle for a while). He will go upstairs on his own if he wants to get something like his teddy bear or blankie.
He wants to do more on his own, for sure. He sometimes doesn't want your help whatsoever. I'm seeing this a lot with hand washing, getting dressed and getting into the car. I'm hearing a lot more of "No, Andrew do it". Which for the most part is much appreciated, but he's really gotta get better with dressing himself. He's not capable, but wants to be. Can make for some frustrating mornings.
He doesn't mind when I leave him for a bit anymore. As longs as it's not for bedtime apparently. That has always been our biggest battle. He wanted to be with me at all times and would NOT be pleased if I left him for even a few minutes. Now, he'll give me lovens and wave to me as I'm walking out the door. I won't lie.. that's nice! And it makes me even more excited to come home to him!

He's getting real smart and creative when it comes to going down for a nap. Where I used to be able to just give him a few minute warning, then we'd go up with no problem, now he knows what he can do to extend that just a little bit. Things like all of a sudden deciding he would like some milk, WANT to clean up his toys, or spend a few minutes saying goodnight to the dog and his toys. Really, your pickup truck needs hugs and kisses?

He's so smart. He's known all of his letters and numbers for a while, but now he's putting sounds together with the letters. He'll sound words out and tell me what they start with. At first, it was only words that he was familiar with. Now he seems to be able to do it automatically.. except the tricky ones. We had pears with lunch today and while sitting at the table he said, "Pears starts with P mommy". It blows me away each and every time!
He knows where all the letters are on the computer and knows the enter, space and backspace buttons.
He'll count things and do it correctly.
He's great with his opposites.
I just hope that he always has a love for learning!

I think he knows that his baby brother is coming soon. He's very interested in him all over again. And now he'll touch my belly and tell me he wants to feel baby Wes. Or he'll tell me he can't wait to share his cars with baby Wes. He'll excitedly talk in the car about how Wes will sit right next time him. Hopefully, that will keep up once the reality hits that this little person is in our lives to stay. Fingers crossed?!

He's doing better than I thought with Daddy being gone. He talks about him ALL. THE. TIME. But it's not in an angry or sad manner. Just matter of fact and lovingly. Like, "Daddy says, Alright big guy". Or, "when Daddy comes home we'll play outside/go to the park/play with trucks". Or, "Daddy is far away working, helping people". Stuff like that. And always with a smile on his face. I was so afraid that he was going to start acting out and get angry. He seems to be doing very well though. I pray that when Trey gets home, they will just fall seamlessly back into their relationship!

That's about all I can think of for now! Hopefully, I'll have lots of cute brother posts coming up soon :)

Sunday Morning

I don't usually get the urge to write on the weekend, but there is something peaceful and perfect about this morning and my fingers were itching to get to typing. There's nothing specific I want to talk about, I sometimes just get that urge. You know, right? I know I'm not the only one...

I'm surprised that I'm feeling this good this morning. All signs point to a crappy attitude. I should be a miserable wretch.

I'm so sick of never hearing from Trey. I guess I shouldn't say never, but no matter how much I tried to prepare myself for this, I guess deep down, I still thought we'd be able to talk more. I hear from him, on average, twice a week. I never know when. I send email after email that is never responded to. Because when he does have the time to send a quick message or make a very quick call, there's not time. It's rushed and we're both in a frenzy to get as much in as we can. I feel like it's never a quality conversation. He's so busy.. so so busy.. so I don't hold it against him. He's working 18 hours a day, 7 days a week. He's been sick since he's gotten there and is just now starting to feel better. So I know. I know it's hard for him and I know there are extenuating circumstances right now - that I really hope clear up fast! So I still hold out hope. I hope that once their big issue resolves itself that we can talk more. But this ish is hard. Harder than I ever imagined it would be. Because there's nothing that can prepare you for not being able to call your best friend to talk about all of life's little or big moments when you used to be able to call whenever you wanted. I all too often find myself picking up the phone, wanting to call him, then realizing there's nothing I can do about it. I just wait for my phone to ding with an email alert or ring with some strange unknown number. And nothing can prepare you for the worry that settles into your heart, for me, around day 2 of not hearing from him. Because while you know everything is probably okay and he is most likely perfectly safe, WHY HAVEN'T YOU HEARD FROM HIM?
So - that's taking a toll on me, for sure. I know a lot of my friends can relate at the moment! One day at a time, right? And that reunion gets closer and closer day by day... no matter how far away it seems right now.

Sheww... I didn't think that would be so long winded. I really just meant to type up a few sentences.

Also, I'm constantly in a state of exhaustion. I spend the day thinking I'll go to sleep as soon as Andrew does. But he goes down and insomnia hits. I finally fall asleep somewhere between 11 and midnight, which is very late for me.. and wake up roughly 3 times a night.. never being able to just fall right back asleep.

Then, Andrew woke up at 7 instead of 8. So I lost another hour.

And you already know how uncomfortable I am, so I don't need to go on about that. I'm sure you can imagine.

I don't mean to make this into a complain-fest. All that to say, for some unknown reason, I feel good this morning. I'm relaxed. And dare I say... happy?
Yes, Andrew woke up early, but we used that time to snuggle in bed and watch cartoons. By snuggle I mean he was a wiggly mess and I get a few seconds here and there of cuddling, but it was still good.
Now we're in the living room and everyone else is still asleep. I have my coffee and Andrew is playing with trains, pick-up trucks and police cars. It just seemed like the perfect time to write. Something about that first cup of coffee and a quiet morning. It screamed WRITE IN YOUR BLOG to me.

I don't have anything at all planned for us today. I've been on the go too much for the past two days, so today we'll just rest. And play. And watch the Patriots. Happy Sunday everyone!

21 Days

We have 21 days at most until baby Wes is here! That's crazy to me. I feel like my whole world is about to be rocked (and Andrew's) and I'm not sure how to feel about it.

Honestly, there are A LOT of days where I think to myself... and sometimes say out loud... "what in God's name was I thinking??". What made us think this would be a good idea? I had a good thing going with that one child gig. But I do know that once he gets here I'll never look back. Right??

No, really, for the most part, I'm ready!
I'm ready physically, that's for sure! All I can say is THANK GOD my husband and I are in agreeance to never doing this again. I'm so uncomfortable. I can barely get around. That is a problem when you have a very active toddler! I'm excited to be able to do stuff with him (them) again. Well do more I guess, because I still have to do stuff with him. It's just not fun! I'm ready to get my body back and work on looking good for a certain someone to come home. At least I have a while to work on that.. I'll need the time! I'm ready to sleep on my belly again! That, my friends, is going to be glorious.

I'm a little nervous about learning how to handle two kids. I'm worried about how Andrew will respond and figuring out how I'll split my time. I'm nervous about going out and getting stuff done with two, like grocery shopping, for instance. So I'm ready to just throw myself into all that. I can't wait to just do it.. get the the newness, awkwardness, and learning out of the way and let it become my new normal. I'm ready to kick this whole having two kids' thing ass.

And really, I'm just so excited to meet our 2nd little boy. Another little human that is half myself and half Trey. I can't wait to love on him. To see what he looks like. I wonder if he'll look just like Andrew did or nothing like him at all? To see what his little personality will be like. I pray he's as easy as Andrew was, but I don't dare assume that I'm that lucky. I'm excited to see Andrew take on the roll of big brother. I'm pretty sure he'll do great!

Did I mention I'm ready to have my body back yet?

All I need to do is get my hair done, get one last prenatal massage in, a pedicure, get my hospital gown in and pack my bag!

One Word

JG tagged me the other day to talk about what was originally 5 Christmas wishes, which she turned into 5 goals for the new year, which I am just going to now loosely talk about a few thoughts I have for the new year. It may or may not end up having 5 points. We'll see.

I didn't want to pick an extremely specific resolution this year. In my now almost 30 years in this world I have learned a few things... one of them being I will never keep a resolution. I'll be disappointed on and off throughout the year a little bit, but mostly, I'll forget that I even had a resolution in the first place.
Last year I heard a lot about this one word thing. I noticed tons of blog posts where people were narrowing in on one thing they wanted to become or change in themselves. I was intrigued and looked a little more into it this year. One word seems doable. Especially since, for the most part, it's a character change and I can apply it to many facets of my life. But all I have to remember is one little word.

So I thought long and hard (ie: a naptime) and came up with my word. I decided on - Intentional. 

  [in-ten-shuh-nl] 

adjective

1.done with intention or on purpose; intended: an intentional insult.

2.of or pertaining to intention or purpose.

3.Metaphysics .

a.pertaining to an appearance, phenomenon, or representation in the mind; phenomenal; representational.

b.pertaining to the capacity of the mind to refer to an existent or nonexistent object.

c.pointing beyond itself, as consciousness or a sign.

There were some close runner-ups (present, kind, healthy, thoughtful), but I thought I could sum all of that up with Intentional. 

1) I want to be more intentional in my relationships. I want to put more effort into them. My marriage, my child(ren), family and friends. I don't just want to coast through these relationships. I want the people I care about to KNOW I care about them. 
It's most important with my husband right now with him being so far away. I want to take the extra time and effort to let him know how much I love him. I don't ever want him to doubt that while he is away... or any time. 
With my kids, that is a gimme. That's where the word "present" kept coming in. When I'm with my kids I'm going to be with my kids. That's pretty much 24/7, so reasonably I need some downtime or personal time to myself, but there will be more time focused on them. Living in the moment. Not being quite so distracted. 
With friends and family I want to be a lot more thoughtful and show more kindness. And more present I guess as well. I want to take the time to let far away friends and family know how much I'm thinking about them. I'm always thinking of them and I miss the people I don't talk to on a regular basis, but I don't always take the time to let them now. I want to change that. With local family/friends I want to be more in tuned with whats going on in their lives and be there for them more. I want to take the time to do thoughtful things when I can and start speaking more of what is on my mind. 

2) Intentional with my health. 
This baby is coming out of me in 29 days (but who's counting?) and as far as I know, I can start working out roughly 6 weeks after that. I'm not one that enjoys working out or watching my weight. I like the results, but hate the process. Of course, I want to look good. My husband coming home and seeing me for the first time in 9-10 months is some pretty hefty motivation. But my main concern is feeling good. I want to have tons of energy and make healthier decisions. I despise the feeling of sloth during the end of pregnancy, so I cannot wait to be able to walk from one room to another or up the stairs without having to catch my breath. I really can't wait to play with my kids without it being a chore. To take good walks. To just love life again, really. I don't know exactly how I'll go about this other than use common sense, but I do know I'll need something to keep myself accountable. And I don't want to pay for WW again. 

3) Intentional about my faith. 
Along with being healthy, another time where I feel like my best self is when I'm actively working on my faith. I need to turn to God more often. Find a church we love here to last us until Trey comes back. (This shouldn't be hard, other than my own anxiety about leaving Drew in childcare). I want to find a devotional to read in every day... bonus points for something like Faith Deployed that would help me put this deployment into perspective. 

I think that sums it up! Very doable, right? I just need to come up with a plan, or a system, to keep all this stuff in mind during the year.  I don't think I'll tag anyone else since this is not what I was supposed to do at all!