September 16, 2010

Expectations

I'm really bad with having expectations with everything in life. I have an over-active imagination, I guess you could say, and sometimes live in this fantasy world where I think I know how everything is going to go (and of course it's going to go perfectly).
Having a baby was no exception. I for sure didn't imagine labor and delivery to go like it did. Never in a million years did I imagine that anything could be wrong with him once he came out.. the thought barely crossed my mind. And I certainly didn't think what comes next was going to be as hard and exhausting as it is.
I imagined I'd have all the energy in the world... frolicking around to one social function or another, toting around my adorable baby as an accessory for everyone to ooohh and ahhh over. I'd have my hair and makeup done and would gush as everyone adored him. Hahh! I did manage to shower this morning.. that's a plus! And I got to brush my teeth by 1030. It's a little hard to leave the house when you have a baby that wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding so you have to pump every 3 hours to keep up with his demand. Not so cute to use your breastfeeding cover to hide a noisy, electronic pump! ("don't mind me guys.. just going to milk myself in the corner... mind if I use your sink to clean the parts when I'm done?").
I thought I'd have this easy going child that wouldn't mind sitting in his bouncy chair or staring up at the ceiling so mommy could make lunch or start a load of laundry. Not so much says Andrew.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful.. that's not the purpose of this post what-so-ever. With saying all of this, I wouldn't give him back for any amount of money in the world. Because at the same time.. I'm am absolutely and utterly in love with him in more ways than I ever imagine possible. That is something my imagination could have never prepared me for.. he's filled up my heart in a way I never thought was possible!
I pray for him to FINALLY go down to sleep and about an hour or so after nap time, I'm aching to have him look at me with those big blue eyes all over again. I can't imagine what our life would be like if he weren't in it.

So, is motherhood exactly what I expected it to be? Absolutely not. In some ways it's much, much harder.. but I know we'll get used to each other and learn each other's ways and it will get easier. And in others, it's more than I ever could have wanted for myself.

I'm. A. Mom
One day I'll get used to that idea. Until then.. I'll just be lovin on this little munchkin!

9 comments:

Amber said...

It's all totally normal! You have to do what you can do. Do you have a moby wrap (or other carrier)? It's a savior when he just wants to be held and you want to make lunch or something.

He is just beautiful!

JG said...

He is so adorable! He looks so much like Trey, too.

Ginger said...

No book or advice can prepare one for bringing home baby and taking care of him. It is hard...It takes awhile to get into the swing of feedings, you getting ready, naps, and going to social events. Don't feel bad. You are doing the best you can. It takes time. After newly having Thomas I can say it was an adjustment all over again. Then I was managing two, with my hubby, cooking dinner, running errands, and etc. Hang in there! You'll get into a schedule and things will get easier.

Erin said...

New motherhood is TOUGH in a way that you never thought it would be. But it also is so much more rewarding than you ever thought it would be!

Steph said...

Oh Jessica! You crack me up. I have no idea what having a kid is like but I can't imagine it would be too easy. I'm guessing it will get easier?

Julie the Army Wife said...

He is so sweet. I don't think motherhood is ever like we think it will be :)

C. E. Welch said...

I second Amber's advice about a carrier! My sister loves her Mobi wrap. It allowed her to carry the babies in different ways depending on the need at that moment. I know she used it a lot with the second baby, allowing her to chase after the first one a little easier.

Ashleigh said...

It has to be hard...I can't really offer any words of advice, but the wrap or some sort of carrier that you strap to your body sounds like a good idea.

As for toting the baby around to ooh and ahh, that will come. It is going to take some time for you guys to get your own routine down, especially with the pumping.

I love you, and you ARE doing a great job! No doubt it my mind! Can't wait to see you guys in two weeks and two days!!

Just Ask Beth said...

tears.... I am crying,,because now you get it, you know why..because you are a mom!