I cannot tell you how many times this conversation has come up in my life lately. I'm not sure why it's come up so often. We don't even know what unit he is going to be assigned to after this training is over (I feel like training has gone on FOREVER), but I guess because we are quite certain a deployment is something we'll be facing in 2010. Whatever the reason... I can't tell you how many conversations I've gotten into lately about what I am going to do when he does deploy... go back home to SC vs. stay wherever we are stationed.
I have strong opinions on this and know without a shadow of a doubt that I will stay wherever it is we are. I've had to defend this decision multiple times lately though. I have no doubt that people mean well. They are afraid I will be alone. That I need to be around family. I hate this argument, but it was said so I'll put it out there... "what if something happens to Trey, don't you want to be around family".
Here are my views. Number one and most importantly, I refuse to go into this with the assumption in mind that something is going to happen to him. Now that that's out of the way.. A) I'm planning on being extremely involved in his unit's FRG. I want to be surrounded by women who are close to the situation. Women who are going through the same exact thing that I am going through. I want to be there for them and vice-versa. I want to be there so I'm in the know in everything that goes on with the boys. Yes, I am fully aware that all FRG groups aren't so great. I know that they are not all as ideal as I've just described, but all I can do is my part. Maybe I am being entirely way too naive, but I don't see anything wrong with putting myself out there and being as supportive as I can be. Even in the worst group there is, there has to be at least ONE other wife that feels the same way. B) I want Trey to feel secure. Does this make sense? I have it all sorted out in my mind but sometimes have a hard time conveying things out loud (or typed.. whatevs). I want him to know that I'm holding down the fort back "home". That I'm taking care of the house (the same one we're in before he leaves) while he is gone and to know that he's coming back to the same one. I don't want him to worry about where I'll be or how I'm handling it. I've never been through this before, but from what I understand, the more stable and simple things are, the more at ease he will be. Home for us now isn't SC as hard as that sounds. As cliche as it is, home is now where the Army sends us. This is true. Which brings me to my third point. C) Moving around, being on our own, and time apart is part of our lives. We were both fully aware of this when he signed up. Signed up being the key phrase. He wasn't forced into doing this and I wasn't being the submissive wife with no opinion mattering. He volunteered and I supported him whole-heartedly. This being said, I refuse and cannot run home every single time he leaves. I need to be able to make it on my own, and truly believe that I can. This way of life already has so much instability... I cannot add to that. Especially when we add kids into the mix.
Don't get me wrong, I plan on going back to visit my family and friends as much as possible. My family still provides a source of comfort that can't be replaced and they still mean more to me than is probably normal. When I express these strong opinions that I have, I sometimes feel like I'm hurting feelings. No one has outright made me feel like that, but I just worry about it. But really, if my my family hadn't raised me how they did, if they haven't loved me as much as they did, I probably wouldn't be able to handle the time apart this way. I wouldn't be able to stand strong on my own.
As a disclosure - these are just MY opinions. And clearly, I haven't been through a deployment yet, so I can't speak for anyone that has. As much as we prepare ourselves for these things, we really don't know exactly how hard it can be until it happens. I absolutely don't think that people that don't share my views on this are wrong, this is just the way I want to go about it. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, but how do you feel about it? Please, feel free to let me know what you agree with, disagree with, or where you flat out laughed at my naive way of thinking! I love to see others opinions and different viewpoints!