Growth

I have coffee and sleeping kids. Could it be any better? I don't think so.

Last year there was so much going on while Trey was gone that I couldn't write about. I would sign on here and try to write, but I just can't be fake. I couldn't come on and talk about shallow things when there was so much going on. All this to say, I'm just going to write about where I'm at. It won't always be witty and light-hearted. But hopefully, there will be lots of that thrown in.

I'm a sucker for a resolution. I love the feeling of the new year and all of the promises that come along with it. A fresh start. But I've learned over the past 10 years or so that, well, they just don't usually stick. I heard a statistic on the radio the other day that only 8% of people actually keep their resolution. Why do we start this one day out with such high hopes and motivation, only to go back to hold habits in what? 2 weeks?

So I didn't do it this year, per say. I made goals, yes, but I didn't promise myself any one absolute thing. This year I was going to focus on growing as a person in general. And I think I'm off to a good start.

Did I need to lose weight? My God yes. My body looks like.. ya know.. two kids popped out of it in the past three years. There is that. But I knew I could be doing so much more to be HEALTHY. And it's hard to not compare yourself to others, am I right? I feel like I'm SURROUNDED by women who bounce back after pregnancy. I see it everywhere. But really, I don't know how hard they may work to get there. All I knew was how hard I was not working.
While Trey was gone last year, I was doing really well with my eating habits. I was sticking to clean, real foods. I loved it and my body loved me for it. I was also doing Body Pump at the gym. And then.. well.. he came home and it all went out the window. Now my resolve has been gone. At the beginning of the year, I started a program called Bikini Body Mommy and I've loved it. I've worked hard at it, but I haven't been eating the way I should have been. I'm stronger and healthier, and that is great, but I know I can push myself harder. I know I can feel more comfortable in my skin. So I'm working on it. I'm improving. I'm not where I need to be, but that's okay. I'm getting there.

I also wanted to grow in my walk as a Christian. We're doing something now that we've never done since getting married. We've found a church that we love and we go (excuse the pun) religiously. I'm also going to PWOC every week and I love it. I'm purposefully surrounding myself around godly women. I'm praying more. I'm learning more. I know more about the old testament than I ever have thanks to PWOC. But I know my heart can do better. I'm doing all the right things on the outside, but I know my heart needs to be worked on.
The idea of getting re-baptized has recently been on my heart.. strongly. I started going to church with a friend in middle school and somewhere in those years, was baptized, though I don't remember if I did it for the right reasons. Did I really understand what I was doing? I can say for sure that nothing changed for me afterwards. I didn't spend my teenage years following Christ, that's for sure. So I'm doing some soul searching and wondering if that is something I need to do again... knowing for sure why I'm doing it. Either way, I'm letting God work and mold my heart this year. And every year to come.

I'm trying to accept myself for where and what I am. I've always struggled with comparing myself to others, but I'm learning to be okay with ME. It's my life and my walk, I can't live it for anyone else. It's taken me a very long time to learn this. But I'm getting there. With everything. I may be taking extreme baby steps, I'm progressing in everything I've set out to progress in, and I would call that a win!